Around this time last year, a local brewery got some national press for their latest experiment. Some nutterbutter named Kristen had planned her entire year around the seasonal release of Count Chocula, but she flipped a shit when the entire town was sold out of the cereal on release day. Refusing to accept defeat, Kristen contacted local news stations about the conspiracy and demanded an explanation. Turns out that Black Bottle Brewery had bought every last box for their new beer: a stout called Cerealiously Count Chocula.

Is Cerealiously Count Chocula worth the misery that it caused this lone, insane woman? They re-released it yesterday and I was first in line for a taste.

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Looks-wise, I’m excited. It’s nice and dark with a bit of a head. It smells like a porter, though they technically call it a stout. (Which is weird, because the only difference between the two is that stouts generally contain coffee malts while porters use chocolate malts.) It’s got that chocolatey, roasty smell that makes you want to put on sweatpants and eat a pumpkin spice candle.
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This is a good beer. The taste is rich without being too sweet or chocolatey. There’s a nice creaminess to it as well, though I’m not sure if that’s marshmallows or just quality ingredients in general. (Does Count Chocula even have marshmallows? We should ask Kristen.) If anything, it’s a touch more understated than I would have liked. I was ready for some intense flavors, and this is much more subtle and balanced. In general that’s a good thing, but it’s a tad disappointing for the type of person who would be buying a Count Chocula-flavored beer in the first place. I also wish they gave you a tiny bowl of cereal to go along with it, because I already have a tiny spoon and fork and I’m trying to complete my set.

I’d definitely recommend trying this beer, but don’t get your hopes too high. It’s not a liquid alcoholic form of Count Chocula. It’s a good stout with some nice chocolate flavor. I’d like to leave you with this actual, real-life quote from poor Kristen:

“Boo Berry and Franken Berry are available at Albertsons, but as I pass by them each time, the void that is Count Chocula fills my heart.”

Kristen’s Downward Spiral Rating: 9.5 out of 10

Difficulty In Saying the Word “Cerealiously” Correctly: 8 out of 10

Overall Rating: 7.5 out of 10

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  1. September 28, 2015

    […] Bottle Brewery Cerealiously Count Chocula: Hey, I reviewed this bitch last month. Should I ask for my […]