No food says “I hate myself” quite like the doughnut. It’s a scientific fact that there’s no way to navigate eating a doughnut without having sticky fingers, getting powdered sugar all over your face, or sporting an unsightly jelly stain on your business suit just as your boss calls you in for your annual appraisal. “Sorry, but your performance is not up to our standards and is that Boston creme in your hair?” Yes, it is. Luckily, we can hate ourselves a little less tonight with some miniature donuts.
We shouldn’t be shocked that the mini donut has gotten the pumpkin spice treatment. I am, however, a little surprised that it took Hostess and Tastykake so long to get on board the pumpkin bandwagon. We also have Caramel Apple, but who cares?
Hostess is just spraying it everywhere this pumpkin season. I’m absolutely obsessed with the Hostess Pumpkin Spice Cupcakes, which are currently leading our Pumpkin Power Rankings and will never relinquish the title if I have anything to do with it (Drunk Female, don’t you dare). Hostess even pumpkinized their famous recipe. These Hostess Pumpkin Spice Donettes are described as “pumpkin spice mini donuts with cinnamon glaze.” They contain real pumpkin puree, which is always a plus… probably. The donuts are completely covered with the cinnamon glaze except for the bottom.
These actually aren’t all that messy. Great, full-bodied pumpkin spice flavor here; a spice blend similar to the pumpkin spice cupcakes. Cinnamon is a lead player both on the spice side in the cake and on the sweet side with the cinnamon glaze. These donuts aren’t one-dimensional, though. The donuts are soft and fresh, and I didn’t find them to be too sweet. Best of all, these donuts didn’t make me embarrassed to be a human being.
How Many Hostess Pumpkin Spice Donuts I Intended To Eat Rating: 1 out of 10
How Many Hostess Pumpkin Spice Donuts I Actually Ate Rating: 4 out of 10
Overall Rating: 7 out of 10
Whereas the Hostess variety went with a glaze, these TastyKake Pumpkin Spice Mini Donuts have gone with a powdered sugar covering. Do they look messy to you? You have no idea. I’m covered in sticky powdered sugar already. I’ll be blunt: these donuts suck. They’re not sweet enough, they’re not pumpkin-spicy enough, and they’re extremely rubbery. These are basically just cinnamon powdered sugar failure donuts. I did eat a second one, but only to confirm that I hated it. Mission accomplished.
Because my Mom taught me to always find the good in things, these Tastykake Pumpkin Spice mini donuts have nice… color? Ugh. I had to wash my hands three times during this short review just to use my keyboard. The packaging says Tastykake donuts were “made deliciously since 1914,” but I can confirm these Tastykake Pumpkin Spice Mini Donuts were made grossly in 2015.
Worthiness of the Name “Tastykake” Rating: 2.5 out of 10
Worthiness of the Name “Grosskake” Rating: 7.5 out of 10
Overall Rating: 3.5 out of 10
Oh, Jesus. Here we go again. These Tastykake Caramel Apple Donuts have gone with a weird, crumb-like coating that is guaranteed to bring ants into your home. The donuts are crumby in every sense of the word. This flavor cannot be described because it is so uniquely terrible that it hasn’t been created by anyone before. Is it caramel? Nope. Is it apple? Not a chance. It’s got a mysterious fruity sweetness, but it’s not apple. It tastes worse than fake. There are a bajillion strange ingredients on the package; so many that I grew tired of searching for “caramel” or “apple.” I’m not sure I even want to pawn these off on coworkers or they might hate me forever. These are going in the garbage, which may improve their taste.
Mystery Fruit Rating: 2 out of 10
How They Taste Out of the Garbage Rating: Better out of 10
Overall Rating: 2 out of 10
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