Confession time: I don’t fully understand marshmallows. Especially giant marshmallows. Do people snack on these things straight out of the bag? Here’s my scouting report on marshmallows:
1) Good in Lucky Charms.
2) Good in S’mores.
3) Good in Hot Chocolate.
4) Good in Rice Krispie Treats.
5) Good In Nothing Else.
Because I don’t typically eat children’s cereal, go camping to make S’mores, make Hot Chocolate year-round, or make Rice Krispie Treats ever, I’m only left with “Nothing Else.” I can’t recall a time I’ve craved marshmallows, but then there they were: “Pumpkin Spice Mallows.” These were in my cart before I even got to the word “Mallows.”
How adorable are these little pumpkins! Looks can be deceiving, people. These are dumb and I hate them. Dry, chalky, and terrible, these pumpkin spice marshmallows taste like cardboard. You’ll have to trust me on what cardboard tastes like.
Pumpkin spice flavoring is basically nada. Whatever flavoring they attempted to infuse clashes with the creamy marshmallow sweetness that I know is in there somewhere. The end result is a bland product with a funky, rubbery texture. I can’t emphasize enough how much I hate these marshmallows. Sorry, Kraft, but I think you can afford a little bad press from a mongoloid like me.
Now what the hell am I going to do with the remaining 90 marshmallows? Here are some things I tried:
How Much I’d Rather Eat Pumpkin Spice Cardboard Rating: 9.5 out of 10
How Good I Am At Marshmallow Jenga Rating: 6 out of 10
Overall Rating: 1 out of 10