I first discovered Quest Bars in Winter 2013. I was locked into a battle with Tony Horton and the P90X workout program. During this time, I had my nutrition so dialed in that I completely eliminated sugars, dairy, & processed foods from my diet altogether. Living in such a hell, Quest Bars intrigued me because they were advertising dessert flavors and “cheat meals without the cheating.” They contain less than 1g sugar and I don’t care what kind of artificial sweeteners so don’t even start with me.
I ate a Quest Bar with almond butter every day at 3:00 PM sharp, and this helped keep me sane and satisfy my sweet tooth. Though I’ve completed all three P90X programs, Tony Horton won the war… I would go on to launch a junk food and craft beer blog just so I could tell jokes to anyone reading this (nobody). I’ve been on auto-delivery for Quest Bars ever since.
See Also: Review of Every Quest Bar Ever Created
But I always felt one bar was missing from the 18 flavors previously available. Can you guess which flavor I longed for? Yes, I trolled Quest Nutrition’s social media channels and requested “pumpkin spice,” “pumpkin pie,” “pumpkin cheesecake,” and several thousand other flavors that started with “pumpkin” every day for nearly two years. My pumpkin prayers were answered when Quest announced Pumpkin Pie Quest Bars for a limited time. Not wanting to go HAM before I sampled one, I only pre-ordered four boxes.
Pumpkin Pie Quest Bars are Quest’s first ever coated protein bar. They’re covered in a thick pumpkin orange glaze complete with graham cracker crumble. Their sheer beauty brings a pumpkin-spiced tear to my pumpkin-spiced eye. In addition to the standard Quest ingredients, these bars contain pecans, pumpkin powder, cinnamon, and butter. Yes, you read that correctly – butter. While this may deter team #fitfam, I personally love that Quest went with full-blown butter because the only macros I have been counting since starting this blog are butter, sugar, and trans fats.
Sinking your teeth into this pumpkin protein log is like biting into a Rice Krispie treat; there is so much awesome graham cracker crumble to work through. The center is your typical Quest Bar consistency (dense but chewy) with no textural elements in the center. My first bite didn’t release the huge pumpkin flavor I was hoping for. I closed my eyes and counted to “pumpkin,” but it never hit the point I wanted it to. Did I just waste two years of my life fantasizing about this bar for nothing?
Not exactly. The flavors in this bar are quite good. The flavor is a blend of smooth vanilla and subtle cinnamon spice. I think these taste more like vanilla than the Vanilla Almond Crunch Quest Bars do. But like most health food products, there just wasn’t enough sweetness to evoke an indulgent “Pumpkin Pie.” No worries; this junk food idiot came prepared.
This was easily the best decision I made in my entire life. When warmed, the coating begins to melt and the center softens to a pie-like consistency. No, this didn’t make the bar sweeter, but this was remedied by dumping 3/4th of a bottle of whipped cream right on top. Actual healthy people might prefer vanilla Greek yogurt. It could be witchcraft, but baking this bitch did make it taste more like pumpkin pie. It adds a nice toasted flavor that makes you think “pie crust,” and the warm center softens to feel like pumpkin pie filling. I’m not really sure why Quest didn’t use nutmeg, ginger, allspice, or cloves in the recipe. While I did beg for a more pronounced pumpkin flavor, Vanilla Cinnamon Graham is a pretty damn tasty combination.
The graham cracker crumble and thick coating on these Pumpkin Pie bars makes this the most fun Quest Bar yet. It’s entirely possible that I’m just trying to justify buying four boxes, but I am happy to welcome Pumpkin Pie Quest Bars into my rotation through the winter. I needed more pumpkin protein in my diet, and it sure is satisfying to see your dream flavor come to fruition. Now if only I could get Quest to switch back to sweet, sweet IMOs instead of soluble corn fiber…
I sure hope Tony Horton reads my blog.
Made Two Straight Years Of Internet Trolling Worth It Rating: 7.5 out of 10
Odds That Tony Horton Reads My Junk Food Blog Rating: 0.5 out of 10
Overall Rating: 7 out of 10
To see how we compared Pumpkin Pie to other Quest Bars, check out our review of every single Quest Bar ever created.