Now that the fall season has just begun, it’s time to review some decidedly winter products.

Clif bars are organic, nutrition-dense energy bars made from organic rolled oats, dates, soybeans, and a buttload of sugar. They are frequently given out for free after organized races where it is imperative that you stuff at least 10 into your pockets to justify your entry fee. They are a great source of carbohydrates, a decent source of protein and fiber, and an excellent source of unnecessary calories that this food blogger is going to consume to maybe get 1 or 2 additional followers on Instagram (@JunkBanter). My health has really fallen off a *cliff* since starting this blog 😉 .

First up is the Hot Chocolate Clif Bar, the newest flavor for 2015. These hot chocolate bars, despite their name, are lukewarm at best. They derive their signature flavor from both cocoa and cocoa butter. They lead with a masterfully rich chocolate flavor. It avoids being too bitter or too sweet, something that plagues many organic chocolate products. The bar’s texture, like all Clif bars, is dense yet chewy. With all the enjoyable textural contrast throughout these Hot Chocolate Clif Bars, it comes across like a highly textured brownie. The chocolate flavor has a delightful creaminess reminiscent of hot cocoa, likely drawing from the vanilla extract used. I thoroughly enjoy this bar, even though it doesn’t contain mini marshmallows nor will it warm me up after shoveling snow.

Doesn’t Require Your Mom To Make It For You Rating: 8.5 out of 10
Doesn’t Require You To Blow On It Til It Cools Rating: 10 out of 10
Overall Rating: 9 out of 10

Sigh… I miss pumpkin spice already. This Iced Gingerbread Clif Bar is made with pecans, ginger, cinnamon, cloves, and nutmeg. Now we’re talking! I’m sure the ratios are different, but that is basically pumpkin spice right there. I don’t even need to try this. 10 out of 10.

Ok, fine, I’ll actually review it. Sure enough, this has a different flavor than pumpkin spice. It’s got an identical texture as the Hot Chocolate Clif bar, but the flavor is reminiscent of ginger snaps. This is one of the more gingery things I’ve eaten in a long while, and it’s no wonder because ginger is listed as an ingredient twice. Once again, the bar isn’t overly sweetened. I can taste the raisins used in this bar quite a bit, and am surprised how well it works. I don’t know who this “Clif” fella is, but he is on a roll. Another 43g of carbs in the books. I think I exceeded my macros, but I don’t really know what that means anyway.

How Many Times “Ginger” Is An Ingredient Rating: 20 out of 10
How Well I Understand What Macros Are Rating: 4 out of 10
Overall Rating: 7.5 out of 10

FINALLY! The Spiced Pumpkin Pie Clif Bar is made with pumpkin flakes (Hell yes!) apples, raisins, cinnamon, ginger, clove, and nutmeg. I’m basically at full mast just writing this. The ginger is pronounced, but in a much smoother way than in the Gingerbread Clif Bar. This is probably because it’s only listed as an ingredient once here. It’s for the best. I love the way the ginger and nutmeg combine with the raisins to create a truly unique pumpkin pie experience. The raisins make this a standout flavor from the 300 other pumpkin products I’ve had this year, and the 200 more I will have in the weeks to follow.

This bar gets some extra points for being named appropriately. I was about to comment that it’s not quite sweet enough to be “pumpkin pie,” but Clif outsmarted me by tossing in the word “spiced” before “pumpkin pie.” Whatever the hell you want to call it, this bar is damn good.

Clif’s Ability to Play Defense Against My Food Critique: 10 out of 10
My Ability to Consume 130g of Carbohydrates for No Reason: 7.5 out of 10
Overall Rating: 8 out of 10

Clif really brought it with these three holiday seasonals. Hot Chocolate is the true winner here and a welcomed addition to Clif’s winter lineup. Eating all three of these one after another really put me in the holiday spirit, and I will look like Santa Claus in no time if I continue at this current pace.

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