Does anyone else miss Drunk Female? You guys have been forced to listen to me during her unexplained absence. I fear that she may have overdosed on pumpkin spices or English Muffins, but a more logical explanation is that she is just drunk. The last thing she reviewed was Trader Joe’s Pumpkin Flavored Dog Treats, so we cannot rule out that she is off barking at the mailman somewhere.
Anyway, Drunk Female recently celebrated her birthday! My goal was to track down these Birthday Cake Flipz and publish this review on her birthday, but I didn’t find them in time. My backup plan was to review Birthday Cake Oreos, but I didn’t do that either. I’m an unmitigated failure in every sense of the word.
Birthday Cake Flipz are the newest flavor by DeMet’s line of coated pretzels, joining Milk Chocolate, Dark Chocolate, and Chocolate Mint. These probably should have been released about 10 years ago when Birthday Cake everything was exploding, but what do I know? I am merely a part-time food blogger and a full-time jackass that reviews marshmallows for nobody in particular.
Birthday Cake Flipz are covered in a birthday cake flavored coating that is made out of five lines of text that include the word “flecks” three times. They look familiar to the white chocolate Flipz, save for some haphazardly applied colored dots. Are these what flecks are? I know nothing.
No matter what this coating is made out of, rest assured it’s damn delicious. I thought this was going to taste like straight vanilla, but DeMet’s was successful in capturing the flavor of golden yellow cake with white frosting. These Birthday Cake Flipz have a smooth, creamy cake flavor that is extremely pronounced and lasts the duration of the chew. Snacking on a crunchy cake might seem off-putting to you, but I freaking love these. They’re dangerously indulgent. Birthday Cake Flipz are predictably sweet, but at the very tail end you get bursts of saltiness as if to remind you: “Hey, I’m also a pretzel.” The salt cuts the lasting sweetness, and makes you crave even more. I’m certainly snacking on these as if it were my actual birthday and calories didn’t count. To quote an extremely accomplished singer song-writer:
“It’s not even my birthday,
But he want to lick the icing off.
I know you want it in the worst way;
Can’t wait to blow my candles out.
He want that, cake cake,
Cake, cake, cake, cake, cake,
Cake, cake, cake, cake, cake,
Cake, cake, cake.”
~ The most beautiful woman in the entire universe.
These Birthday Cake Flipz are an absolutely fantastic treat. You cannot and should not expect the highest quality of chocolate you’ve ever eaten from these, but you likely know what kind of chocolate we are talking about with Flipz pretzels if you’re reading this junk food blog (you’re not). For what they are, the birthday cake flavor is outstanding. These would have been a really great birthday present for Drunk Female, but instead I am reviewing them alone in my basement while my roommate’s cat looks on disappointingly. I don’t even care… these are awesome. Happy Belated, Drunk Female!
My Ability To Provide Timely Birthday Presents (Or Any Present at All) Rating: 2.5 out of 10
Odds That Rihanna Reads My Junk Food Blog Rating: 0.5 out of 10
Overall Rating: 8.5 out of 10