Drunk Female here! I’m slowly recovering from a week in which I took my pseudonym to dangerously literal levels. (I didn’t review any of the beers from that time, unless you count yelling “0 OUT OF 10” at the bartender because he wouldn’t give me a free drink on my birthday.) Anyway, what better hangover cure is there than Toll House cookies?

I’m a pretty decent baker, and over the years I’ve learned that some desserts simply aren’t worth making from scratch. Is it something with a fruit base, or lots of cream? Then definitely take the time to build it yourself, you lazy bastard. But if you’re just going to bring brownies to a party, save yourself the trouble and buy a mix. No one will notice or care that you spent three hours and $32 to recreate Julia Child’s brownie recipe. You’ll just end up sitting angrily in the corner of the room, watching guests shove your precious creation into their gaping maws without pause or appreciation for the Ghirardelli dark chocolate shavings you added on top as a whimsical touch.

ANYWAY, cookies generally fall into the “just buy it” category for me. I’ve probably tried 50 different “BEST CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIE RECIPE EVER OF ALL TIME SERIOUSLY WE MEAN IT” recipes, and I’ve never really found anything that was markedly better than good old Toll House. Let’s see if this holds true as they branch out to some new zany flavors.

It always seems risky to me when a cookie contains zero chocolate, but Nestle Toll House Harvest Apple cookies promise apple pieces, APPLE FILLING, and cinnamon. This one has me really excited, because it’s gimmicky but has the potential to also be delicious. I’m anticipating a warm apple pie in cookie form. And apple FILLING? Will they be gooey? God I hope they’ll be gooey.

I popped these guys into the oven and almost fainted with joy. They smelled exactly like autumn, only sexier and slightly more edible. I was hit with strong, pure notes of apple and spice right out of the package. I danced a happy apple dance around the oven as I waited.

They smell even more amazing once they’ve baked. If I didn’t know better I’d think my mom flew out halfway across the country, snuck into my kitchen, and baked her famous apple crisp. (Mom, I know you’re reading this. Please don’t think you actually have to do that. I mean, you can if you WANT to. I certainly won’t stop you. Please come right now.) These are some serious apple pieces, and you can clearly see the texture of this cookie.

Oddly enough, those apple chunks are my least favorite part of these Nestle Toll House Harvest Apple Cookies. In general, everything is delicious: the spice flavors come through beautifully, and the “apple pie filling” is like a tiny injection right in cookie’s middle, which keeps the whole thing super moist without being too gooey. So much of this cookie is out-of-the-park fantastic, and I definitely recommend trying them. But those apple pieces…meh. They have a dried fruit toughness to them that doesn’t blend well with the delicate chewiness of the cookie. They provide an excellent natural flavor, so I’m not gonna say they were a complete misstep, but they might be a turn-off for people who are picky about texture. I did find two solutions to this problem, though. Solution #1: Once the cookies completely cool, the texture problem goes away. Solution #2: By the third cookie I simply inhaled the whole thing without chewing at all.

So, if you’re the kind of person who enjoys cookies that lack all of the things which make cookies great, I highly suggest you pick up Nestle Toll House Harvest Apple break-and-bakes. They’re unique, well-executed, and a lot less work than Julia Child’s stupid $32 brownie recipe.

Hangover Cure Rating: 3.5 out of 10
Amount of Cookies I’ve Inhaled Tonight Rating: 4 out of 10
Overall Rating: 7.5 out of 10