I wasn’t expecting to be here right now. Let me contextualize this review for you.
I had just finished up weights at the gym. I stepped outside and noticed that the day had blossomed into a wonderfully warm fall day. “Definitely putting the running shoes on when I get home,” I said to the garbage can beside me. But I was feeling a bit sluggish, so I decided to stop into the adjacent Target and grab a coffee at the Starbucks counter within. As soon as I stepped foot into Target, God showered me with these brand new Cafe Mocha M&M’s that I had no idea were even slated to come out. But I had only come for coffee. “Close enough,” I said, and I left without any real coffee. Instead of running the 8 miles I intended, I am sitting here eating M&M’s while trying to figure out what exactly macros are and if these fit into them.
The new Cafe Mocha M&M’s are of the milk chocolate variety. They are bright red and bright green in color, just like coffee. I’m not really sure what Cafe Mocha has to do with the holidays, but the Red M&M is rocking a nice Christmas hat as he serves us his fancy cafe mocha. But hold on a second; what exactly is a cafe mocha? If you’re anything like me, and God I hope you’re not, you had no idea. Apparently, a cafe mocha is a coffee drink based on espresso and hot milk but with chocolate additions. It can also be served as hot chocolate with espresso added, according to our friends at Wikipedia. For all intents and purposes, these are just coffee M&M’s in my book. I’m thinking pumpkin spice latte M&M’s but without any pumpkin, sadly.
Since I still hope to get that run in, let’s dive right into these Cafe Mocha M&M’s. Welp, I’m instantly disappointed. To say that I barely tasted any coffee is an understatement. The milk chocolate, sweet as it is, completely brushes aside any other definitive flavors. What I did notice on the back end was that these were the creamiest M&M’s I had ever eaten. They taste like milk chocolate, but the milkiest milk chocolate one could hope for from an M&M. Even though I didn’t want to, I kept eating these Cafe Mocha M&M’s searching for something else in the flavor profile. Meh. I started to pick up on some bitterness that one might find in a coffee, but this didn’t work for me either. These are simultaneously super sweet, super creamy, and kind of bitter in a disjointed way. If these are coffee M&M’s, it’s a terrible coffee. Think Tim Hortons.
Cafe Mocha M&M’s are the first “true” coffee flavor to be released, but I don’t find them to be successful. I would take a plain milk chocolate M&M over these, which is a huge deal coming from someone whose diet is best described as “limited edition.” I can’t believe I dropped everything for this. They’re largely similar to milk chocolate M&Ms with slight nuances that fell pretty flat. These aren’t awful enough to completely rip apart, but am I going to be a repeat buyer? Am I ever going to get that 8-mile run in?
Delivers Just Enough Caffeine to Review M&Ms On Your Couch Rating: 6 out of 10
“Give Me a Large Coffee Light and Terrible, Please” Rating: 10 out of 10
Overall Rating: 4 out of 10
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