“Hungry, why wait?” Because I live this slogan 24/7, I wear a Danny Tanner fanny pack filled with mini-Snickers at all times. Snickers is a classic candy bar that ranks high on my list of go-to chocolate fixes. I wouldn’t dream of giving out Halloween candy without having Snickers in my bowl of options for the 200 Elsa’s that come knocking year-after-year. Chocolate, caramel, nuts, & whatever nougat is combine to be one of the most distinct, iconic flavors of our generation. Snickers offer several varieties year-round: almond, peanut butter, and triple chocolate among them. But we make our living getting fat off new and limited edition crap, and Snickers has offered us two now varieties to indulge in: Snickers Crisper and Snickers Mixed Nuts.


The newest variety is the just-released Snickers Crisper, which doesn’t tout itself as limited edition so it may stick around for a while. I’ve only found these in 100-calorie little square candies in large bags that include enough to completely derail my health. Snickers Crisper bars waive goodbye to whatever nougat is and add a layer of crisp rice. The only rice I normally eat is of the healthier, brown variety. Since chocolate is brown, these Snickers bars must be healthy (#transitiveproperty). Snicker Crisper isn’t an entirely new concept, as Snickers Cruncher was released a long while back (still available in foreign markets) and is basically the same thing. I probably tried it (#imfat) but can’t recall the experience with precision.


Biting into the new Snickers Crisper bar is a delight. It’s a much easier chew than the traditional Snickers as you don’t have to work through any nougat, whatever the hell that is. The crisp rice provides a pleasant textural contrast that sort of reminds me of a Whatchamacallit bar. The rice doesn’t add any discernible flavor, but the lack of nougat changes the flavor profile ever so slightly. The familiar chocolate caramel combination is still without a doubt that of a traditional Snickers bar, so we’re not too far off here. Whether you like this bar more or less than a regular Snickers is going to depend solely on your textural preference. Me? I prefer Snickers Crisper! Add it to the Danny Tanner fanny pack.

My Lack of Knowledge on Nougat Rating: 9 out of 10
Full House Rating: 10 out of 10
Overall Rating: 7.5 out of 10

Snickers Mixed Nuts is a limited edition release so we need to review it before it disappears forever. This bar includes that thing called nougat but the nut blend includes peanuts, almonds, and hazelnuts. I love the concept. I eat mixed nuts all the time and I find the almonds & hazlenuts far preferable to the plain old peanut. I was particularly hopeful that this combination would work well because of a recent experience I had. A coworker of mine, fully aware that I was a limited edition dumbass, scored me a Russian Snickers somehow. Her and I were both unaware what it contained because we can’t read Russian. This marked the first time I realized I was officially getting fat in multiple languages:

My coworker brought me a #Russian #snickers with all #hazlenuts. I'm officially getting #fat in multiple languages.

A little research and a taste test confirmed that this bitch was made with all hazelnuts. It worked wonderfully – think Nutella Snickers. Hazelnuts has a powerful and distinct flavor that is instantly identifiable and I have to admit that I preferred it to the a standard American Snickers bar with just peanuts. The experience left me eager to try Snickers Mixed Nuts, hoping that the hazelnuts included provided at least a partial dosage of this awesomeness.


When I first bit into the Snickers Mixed Nuts bar, I couldn’t really separate it from a Snickers at all. The flavor of the nut blend (peanuts/almonds/hazlenuts) doesn’t favor any one of the three. It was akin to eating an evenly proportioned handful of mixed nuts where the nuances of each nut are largely lost. I taste very little hazlenut in most bites, which is what I was really hoping would shine. For what it’s worth (nothing), the ingredient list identifies almonds, hazlenuts, and then peanuts in that order. Hard to tell if that means it contains more almonds, or if they are indeed evenly proportioned and just went all alphabetical on the three nuts. I took a bite of a regular Snickers I had leftover from Halloween, and yeah… it is a little different. It’s less sweet than a regular Snickers, and I find myself appreciating that now that I’ve gone back-to-back. But if you blindfolded me and I gave me a Snickers Mixed Nuts bar (I’m into that, by the way), I wouldn’t have been able to notice the change.

How Many Foods I’ve Eaten Blindfolded Rating: More Than You’d Think out of 10
Russian Snickers with Hazelnuts Rating: 9 out of 10
Overall Rating: 6.5 out of 10

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