REVIEW: White Fudge Oreos
Like any true American, Christmas is my favorite holiday of all time ever. The only thing better than Christmas is Christmastime, because it’s a whole month of feeling festive and happy and eating seasonal junk food.
And there’s no other Christmas candy that gets me more in the holiday spirit than White Fudge Oreos.
The minute I see these things reappear on the store shelf every year, I can’t help but feel like a kid again.
That’s mostly because I haven’t actually eaten one in about 10 years. I was 19 years old when I took my love for White Fudge Oreos to a dangerously dizzying peak, in which I got drunk off eggnog, ate an entire box, and then barfed for about an hour. I haven’t been able to eat one since.
Opening the box, I feel positively giddy. White Fudge Oreos look just like I remember: giant blobs of Oreos covered in white fudge. The outer coating is a thin thickness that adds creamy sweetness without overwhelming the chocolate cookie. I guess “White Fudge Oreos” sounds fancier than “Oreos Slathered In The Stuff That’s Normally On Their Insides”, but the white fudge tastes a lot like the classic creme in the middle. It’s basically a Double Stuf Oreo with the order of operations mixed up.
There are a couple drawbacks that Younger Me was too drunk to notice, though. The outer layer is a bit artificial because of how unnaturally smooth and waxy it is. It reminded me of fondant, and no one on the planet enjoys eating fondant. This waxiness makes it impossible to lick off the outer layer of fudge. Go ahead, try to lick this stuff. I triple dog dare you, and I win, because it is unlickable.
The outer shell also makes it impossible to dunk these, because the milk just slides off in a way that is gross and deeply troubling. But if you just eat it like a normal person and don’t try to lick it to pieces like a savage, it’s delicious: the waxy shell melts into a creamy and flavorful coating.
Though nutrition clearly doesn’t matter to people like you and me, it’s worth noting that despite how similar they taste, White Fudge Oreos are waaaay worse for you than Double Stuf Oreos. You can eat twice as many Double Stuf Oreos and still consume half the saturated fat that’s in the Christmas version. However, there’s no feeling of holiday joy when you open a box of regular Oreos. So I guess it depends on whether you want to be like Santa (super festive but morbidly obese) or the Grinch (lacking in Yuletide spirit but more likely to live past 40, despite his heart irregularities).
I am pleased to report that I only ate two White Fudge Oreos, and I did not barf even a little bit afterwards. Though they aren’t quite as magically flawless as I remembered, they’re still a damn tasty treat and a wonderful way to get in the holiday spirit.
Speaking of holiday spirits, I’m definitely gonna go guzzle some ‘nog and let history repeat itself.
Holiday Joy Rating: 9 out of 10
Fondant’s Awesomeness Rating: 2 out of 10
Overall Rating: 7.5 out of 10
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