REVIEW: Starburst Sweets + Sours
What’s your favorite flavor of Starburst? If you’re a normal person, you’re probably either a Red Starburst whore or a Pink Starburst slut. Nobody says yellow or orange, which is why Starburst “FaveREDs” exists. They might as well just package yellow & orange together as StarWORSTs (#nailedit). But through the years, Starbursts has released an ever-growing list of flavors in mix packs that come and go. The newest pack, which we will review tonight, is Starburst Sweets + Sours.
Starburst Sweets + Sours are “new”, but not entirely. More on that in a moment. The flavors included are:
1) Sweet Strawberry
2) Sour Green Apple
3) Sour Cherry
4) Sweet Blackberry
Starburst Sour came out in 2006 and introduced the Sour Cherry candy. Starburst Sour was reformulated in 2007, and introduced Sour Green Apple to the lineup. Not done yet; Starbursts Sour and Sweet came out in 2009 and introduced Sweet Strawberry. So technically, three of these flavors aren’t new. Most of them will likely be new to you, but really the Sweet Blackberry candy is the only unique one. And not entirely. In 2013, Starburst Very Berry included a regular blackberry flavor. Are you still with me? Do you care about any of this? Why the hell am I blogging about Starburst so hard at age 29? My future children will discover this blog and think that their father is a real Sweet & Sour loser (he is).
1) Sweet Strawberry: We’ll get started with some of the older flavors. Sweet Strawberry is pretty tasty, and about as authentic a strawberry flavor as you can get from something out of the Starburst line. I don’t think it’s any sweeter than most Starburst, and strawberries are very sweet to begin with. Just fine and nothing to write home about. Chewy.
Sweet Strawberry Rating: 6 out of 10
2) Sour Green Apple: Really sour and really tasty. The sourness is intense and only a little less strong than a Warhead, which will always be my baseline for assessing sourness levels in candy as a 90s kid. It has genuine apple undertones too. I really like this flavor, but again… it’s nothing original. I’m still very glad it’s part of the Starburst Sweets + Sour mix, though. Chewy.
Sour Green Apple Rating: 7.5 out of 10
3) Sour Cherry: This flavor isn’t as sour as the Green Apple, but the flavor profile has a little more depth and complexity. While I don’t eat a lot of sour cherries, I’m not sure they nailed that cherry component in the way of authenticity. It has a little bit of bitterness to it and tastes more artificial than both previous flavors in the mix, but it’s a yummy artificial candy. This isn’t the most exciting review, huh? Chewy.
Sour Cherry Rating: 6 out of 10
4) Sweet Blackberry: You know how sometimes the snow comes down in June, and sometimes the sun goes ’round the moon? And then just when you thought your chance had passed, you go and save the best for last? This isn’t the case with Starbursts Sweets + Sours. Sweet Blackberry is pretty disappointing. Even if you eat blackberries on the regular, no one can recall or describe exactly what a blackberry tastes like off sheer memory. But this isn’t it. It’s supposed to be one of the two sweet ones, but it lands more in the sour territory for me… just not as sour as green apple or cherry. Artificial mystery berry flavor that could be a “yumberry” or “dumberry” or any other berry flavor you want to call it. Chewy.
Sweet Blackberry Rating: 4.5 out of 10
Starburst Sweets + Sours is your typical spin-off of Starburst candy. For those that want to get their fruity fix on and are fond of sour candies, it’s a low risk purchase that is sure to please to some degree. Just don’t set your expectations too high for something truly novel. The two sour flavors are the standouts. Originally, I thought Starbursts Sweets + Sours would feature four flavors that were simultaneously sour and sweet. I don’t know what flavors I was expecting, though, since the only truly Sweet & Sour combination I know is Sweet & Sour Chicken. Sweet & Sour Chicken Starbursts sounds terrible, right? Only one way to find out:
Hahaha relax, relax. Just a joke picture. I’m not actually going to eat it.
How Many Minutes 911 Said It Should Take To Arrive Rating: 9 out of 10
Sweet & Sour Starburst Chicken Rating: 1.5 out of 10
Overall Rating: 6 out of 10