Today we’ll be making love to some brand new Pop Tarts that are actually 18 years old. Thank God they’re finally legal…
Kellogg’s Frosted Watermelon Pop Tarts appear to be the same configuration as Wild Watermelon Pop Tarts, which were introduced circa 1997 according to this commercial for Wild Watermelon Pop Tarts. Man… if only Kellogg’s still released commercials whenever a new Pop Tart flavor was in stores. Instead, they troll us with announcements months in advance and then dump them into random stores without telling anyone, forcing me to constantly compete in the Indianapolis 500 by myself as I hit the same Walmarts, Targets, Safeways, Shop Rites, Harris Teeters, you name it. All for what – validation that I am the best at not having a life? And what if Kellogg’s Frosted Watermelon Pop Tarts are terrible?
Kellogg’s Frosted Watermelon Pop Tarts actually do have a pretty good chance at being Flop Tarts. The first indicator is the fact that Wild Watermelon Pop Tarts were discontinued circa 1999. Not a good sign. When I found these new Frosted Watermelon Pop Tarts at Walmart and posted a photo to our Instagram, popular responses included “WTF,” “blech,” and “ew.” One guy did say “Awesome Sauce,” but it was just some fitness robot who posts that comment on everyone’s photos. I don’t think he even has enough RAM to know a good Pop Tart from a bad one.
Kellogg’s Frosted Watermelon Pop Tarts are beautiful, though, and have me yearning for warmer weather with their spring color palette just as the clock strikes winter. Time to settle this “Flop Tart” or “Awesome Sauce” debate once and for all.
They were a lot prettier on the package.
Thoughts after one bite: Sour. Kellogg’s Frosted Watermelon Pop Tarts taste like candy more than they do breakfast. The taste reminds me of a Charms Blow Pop; a sour/sweet combo with a good artificial flavor that is admittedly more suitable for chewing gum than a toaster pastry. I can’t say that it’s disgusting; I can say that I don’t really want it. The sour watermelon overpowers the flavors that would characterize the dough – the buttery, salty, and floury notes hide behind the taste of the filling. But I don’t want butter on my watermelon anyway (salted watermelon, however, is actually a thing and it’s pretty darn good).
Now let’s do something nobody ever should – toast our watermelons!
I won’t lie, guys. This helped a lot. When toasted, Kellogg’s Frosted Watermelon Pop Tarts taste sweeter than they do sour, and the flavors of the dough are brought to life from toaster oven magic. I’m able to appreciate how good of a job they did with artificial watermelon when placed up against the toasted dough. The closest thing I can compare this to is a pastelito, or Cuban puff pastry, made with a candy jelly. Unlike some other Pop Tarts, I would toast these 10 times out of 10 or I likely wouldn’t bother with them. I have a feeling you’re all going to dislike these a lot more than I did, if you’re willing to give them a shot. Seeing as how they were discontinued once before, I think we already know where the general interest level lies.
Will you be bold enough to try Frosted Watermelon Pop Tarts? Let us know in the comments!
Douchiness Of The “Awesome Sauce” Robot Rating: 8 out of 10
Chewing Gum For Breakfast Rating: 7.5 out of 10
Overall Rating: 6 out of 10
READ ALSO: Our friends at Cerealously reviewed Watermelon Pop Tarts, too!
