Happy New Year, everyone! I hope your New Year’s Resolution wasn’t to eat less cheesecake, because we need to talk about this Trader Joe’s Chocolate Peppermint Cheesecake while the mint is still fresh in our minds and the cream cheese is still lodged in our hearts.

I bought this immediately upon discovery, but I saved it for dessert on a special occasion with family. Why would I wait for such an event? Well, after reading the description, I legitimately feared that I would eat the entire cheesecake all alone by myself in five minutes if I didn’t bring it to a formal gathering of proper human beings.

Here’s the description of Trader Joe’s Chocolate Peppermint Cheesecake – you’ll see what I’m talking about:

Trader Joe’s Candy Cane Joe Joe’s are a seasonal customer favorite that can now be enjoyed in this handmade cheesecake. The chocolate cookie crumb crust is filled with a creamy cheesecake filling that has been studded with whole Candy Cane Joe Joe’s cookies. On top is slathering of bittersweet chocolate ganache and peppermint candy cane pieces.”

Ok, I could have just bolded the entire thing. Lord have mercy on my soul, they stuffed entire cookies into the middle of a cheesecake. My interest was already pretty high because I’ve never had peppermint in any cheesecake before, but cramming cookies inside of a cheesecake is equal parts reckless and fascinating. Buddy the Elf would be proud.

So here I sat with an already-stuffed belly on Christmas Day before I busted out Trader Joe’s Chocolate Peppermint Cheesecake. Yes; this felt right. I’m not sure I’ve indulged in cheesecake with anything but a super full tummy. And given my fullness rating at the time (8.5 out of 10), I was pretty well-protected from eating the entire Trader Joe’s Chocolate Peppermint Cheesecake in one sitting. “Just a sliver,” I requested of my mother since I could barely move.

Though it was a struggle, I somehow managed to get my fork to my face and I have to say… even the fullest of tummies can find room for this. Trader Joe’s Chocolate Peppermint Cheesecake retains the creamy decadence of cheesecake, but the Candy Cane Joe-Joe’s inside break up this texture with a subtle and satisfying snap. Yeah, the cookies are a bit softened but you’ll have to excuse them because they’ve been bathing in cheesecake filling for weeks. For a cheesecake stuffed with cookies, I didn’t find this to be too rich or dense – the cheesecake filling is light and airy and wonderful. Between the stiff chocolate ganache, the crumbly chocolate cookie crust, and the crunchy candy cane pieces, you’re treated to the ultimate playground of textures that make Trader Joe’s Chocolate Peppermint Cheesecake unlike your Mama’s cheesecake.

This is an Italian mother’s sliver, FYI.

Flavors: Chocolate and peppermint in a ratio that’s going to favor the chocolate considerably. The peppermint flavor is pervasive, but never comes close to overpowering the chocolate. I was a little worried how mint and cheese would get along, but I fear no longer. I didn’t find Trader Joe’s Chocolate Peppermint Cheesecake too sweet, either – a quality I appreciate in my cheesecakes. Between the bittersweet chocolate ganache and refreshing mint, the sugars never scream out at you to stop. This allows you to continue eating at a dangerous rate. It’s worth noting that the chocolate-peppermint flavor is so robust that I didn’t really taste the cream cheese as much as I normally do in a cake made mostly of cream cheese. But honestly – these flavors are magnificent.

Trader Joe’s Chocolate Peppermint Cheesecake is a great dessert for those wintry nights when you just can’t seem to escape your most comfortable pair of sweatpants. The best way I can describe it is like eating the biggest York Peppermint Patty of your life if the inside were made out of peppermint-flavored cream cheese. Even though I was so full I could puke, I managed to enjoy every bite of this. Don’t let winter pass you by without purchasing Trader Joe’s Chocolate Peppermint Cheesecake; it’s worth every bit of the modest $6.99 price tag.

How Often Cutting the Cheese Smells Good Rating: 1 out of 10 (This is the one)
How Many Cookies We Crammed Into the VCR Rating: 11 out of 10
Overall Rating: 8 out of 10