Well, after an all too brief respite, I’m back with more friggin English Muffins. It’s not that I’m unexcited; I generally tend to enjoy the experience, but the specialty flavors have been pretty underwhelming so far. I’m approaching this one with optimism, though: enter Thomas’ Maple French Toast English Muffins!
At the store, I was literally able to sniff these out in the bread aisle. I felt like whatever the english muffin version of a bloodhound is. No joke, these smell incredible. Lookswise, it’s your standard english muffin. There’s no chunks of fruit like in the apple version, or darker coloring like the pumpkin spice version. But holy Toledo, that maple smell! You could easily replace all the candles in your house with these muffins. (Note to self: patent “edible candle” idea immediately.)
Thomas’ Maple French Toast English Muffins definitely passes the smell test, but what about taste? I went traditional for the first round, aka a shit ton of butter. It was heavenly. I don’t know how they did it, but the maple flavor is so incredibly perfect. I wanted to smoke a cigarette and say “Heavens to Betsy” and fan myself like a 1920’s harlot. I am a little lost on the “french toast” part, though. There’s no cinnamon or vanilla or any flavor except that sweet sexy maple. It’s a minor issue, though. These taste like a really indulgent treat, but somehow there’s only 5g of sugar in one muffin. This is a great way to get your sweet fix in the morning. At least, it’s better than my current daily breakfast of oatmeal and two Snickers Santas.
As enjoyable as this first muffin was, I couldn’t help but dream bigger. The maple flavor is reminiscent of the best breakfast food of all time: a McGriddle. I can’t imagine that anyone who reads a junk food blog is unfamiliar with this pinnacle of breakfast perfection, but just in case, a McGriddle is bacon, egg and cheese served on mini maple-flavored pancakes. It is approximately 9,600 calories and, without question, the most satisfying and efficient way to cut years off your life. I decided that I owed it to my arteries, and the world, to see if I could recreate a “healthy” (lol) McGriddle at home.
Because Ron Swanson is my spirit animal, I already had all the bacon and eggs I needed. I made a quick run to the store for some cheese slices, and then the experiment began. Guys, it was flawless. I might even dare to say I liked it better than a McGriddle, because the english muffin is a lighter and more textured sandwich than those dense mini pancakes. It’s been hours since I ate it and all I want is a dozen more, in my belly, right now.
Thomas’ Maple French Toast English Muffins are deliriously delicious. They also lend themselves to a crazy amount of customization: butter, flavored cream cheeses, and the newly-invented McJunkBanter above. For the love of all things maple and breakfast-oriented, go sniff out a package of these immediately.
McJunkBanter Rating: 10 out of 10
Likeliness of McDonald’s Suing Over “McJunkBanter”: 6 out of 10
Overall Rating: 9.5 out of 10
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