Tonight I tell a tale about a plan that backfired. This post is NSFW.
Those who follow us on social media know that I periodically (constantly) post pictures of new items to our Instagram account (@JunkBanter). Now, upwards of 95% of the photos I post are my own – things I’ve found from tirelessly checking every single grocery store and retailer you could possibly imagine. My photo quality has improved over time.
But every once in a while, I learn of an exciting product that intrigues me to no end but that I can’t find anywhere. Like these Cold Stone Creamy Rainbow Cakery and Cold Stone Creamery Peanut Butter Madness Eggs, for instance. I resorted to pulling photos from Amazon just to share the news with our followers. The photo quality was less than optimal, but surely it would do. HUGE MISTAKE.
Maybe it’s because I haven’t seen enough of them in my lifetime, but I didn’t catch the resemblance initially. Everyone jumped all over it in the comments (which you should definitely read). On our Facebook page, too. The combination of some poor lighting, the actual shape of the eggs, and the dirty, filthy, minds of our perverted, disgusting readers caused these to look like vaginas. Nobody even cared how amazing these products sounded! All they cared about is the fact that they looked like vaginas. Well, put your kids to bed, folks, because I finally found these and it’s time to review ’em.
Let’s start with cake batter because DUH. Cold Stone Rainbow Cakery Cream Eggs are chocolate covered cake batter vaginas with rainbow sprinkles and cookie dough. This is Cold Stone’s twist on the classic Easter cream egg, and Rainbow Cakery sounds incredible. The egg weighs in at 6 oz and will set you back 720 calories, 138g of carbs, and 84g of sugar when you eventually eat the whole thing. This one has a weird shriveled texture on the surface – something that is particularly unfortunate considering the story I just told.
Beautiful on the inside, though! Haha, oh my God, though. There is such a thing as “too sweet,” and then there is Cold Stone Rainbow Cakery Cream Egg. I’ve got to move past this because there are definitely some finer things going for this product, and it’s Easter season when everything is supposed to be too sweet. The cake batter flavor here is actually a really strong effort. The cream tastes and operates like raw cookie dough more than anything else, but like… the dough of funfetti cookies! The cream is dense but still kind of fluffy – I enjoy the texture. The milk chocolate coating on the Cold Stone Rainbow Cakery Cream Egg is so thin that this didn’t taste all that chocolatey. Rainbow Cakery is pretty good, but I’d prefer the sweetness to be dialed down… a lot.
How Sweet It Is Rating: 9 out of 10
Funfetti Vagina Rating: 10 out of 10
Overall Rating: 6.5 out of 10
Cold Stone Creamery Peanut Butter Madness Cream Egg is a chocolate covered peanut butter vagina with brownie bits. As soon as you open the package, you smell some intense peanut butter action. Just look at how much is packed in there. I am really pleased with the quality of the peanut butter in the Cold Stone Creamery Peanut Butter Madness egg. The peanut butter is rich and sweetened appropriately. The peanut butter cream is much more whipped and softer than the filling inside the Rainbow Cakery Egg. Though peanut butter is the dominant flavor in the Peanut Butter Madness Egg, the milk chocolate plays a more significant role than in Rainbow Cakery. Not the highest quality chocolate, but you taste it. The brownie pieces are nice touches for contrasted texture, but their flavor is mostly lost behind the delicious peanut butter filling. This is basically an enormous Reese’s Egg with a softer filling. That’s a win no matter how you slice it.
Ma-Ma-Ma-Ma-Ma-Ma-Ma-Ma Mad Mad Mad Rating: 9 out of 10
Peanut Butter Vagina Rating: 10 out of 10
Overall Rating: 7.5 out of 10
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