Today is MLB Opening Day! This is my favorite day of the year, and that includes my birthday. If you don’t like baseball, there is a little X in the top right corner of this window. Strike 3 – get the hell out of here.
The timing couldn’t be more perfect, because today I will reviewing one of the best products that has ever been released in the history of all universes… Hostess Baseball Cupcakes!
No, I have not yet tried Hostess Baseball Cupcakes. I do not have to. These are just normal cupcakes. Except they aren’t just normal cupcakes, because they look like baseballs.
Baseball is America’s favorite pastime, and cupcakes are everyone’s favorite everything. I grew up playing baseball. Even though I was as fat as a sack of baseballs, I was a damn good hitter. No 40-year old Dad-coach could sneak their fastball by me. I clobbered the shit out of everything thrown at me, blasting home runs that still haven’t landed. This was great because I could literally walk around the basepaths, since baserunning was where I struggled (to breathe). I was a first baseman – the position every fat person plays. This continued until I had to retire because I was too fat.
Here’s a Hostess Baseball Cupcake with my favorite player of all-time: Atlanta Braves great Chipper Jones.
Hostess Baseball Cupcakes are frosted yellow cupcakes with creamy filling with a masterful red icing to mimic the stitching. Ingredients: Baseballs. I can’t emphasize enough that the only thing that matters is that these cupcakes look like baseballs. The stiff icing and raised stitches allow for the perfect 4-seam fastball grip, which will come in handy in a moment. The cake tastes like pound cake – it’s good. A soft, buttery base with traces of vanilla flavor. Who cares? The cream is sweet, and this baseball tastes like a Twinkie but with more filling. The best part of the flavor is that it’s irrelevant.
Hostess Baseball Cupcakes are the perfect snack for Opening Day. I’m going to cut this review short because there are three games on the docket today. The first pitch of the 2016 MLB season is slated for 1:05 PM ET. But I’ve been ready for this moment since the World Series ended, and I don’t want to wait another minute.
Ladies and Gentlemen, please rise as Junk Banter will throw out the ceremonial first pitch.
He sets… the wind-up…
Hostess Cupcakes Rating: 7 out of 10
Bonus Points for Being a Baseball Rating: 3 out of 10
Overall Rating: 10 out of 10
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