REVIEW: Birthday Cake Airheads
Like me, Airheads were born in the year 1986. That means the product is turning 30 this year, which also means that I am turning 30 this year. This kind of sucks, but at least I get an opportunity to wallow in my self-loathe with these disgusting-sounding Birthday Cake Airheads.
Ugh. I don’t know what the hell an Airhead actually is, but I am pretty positive that it shouldn’t be turned into cake. I guess this isn’t the strangest thing the company has ever done, since you can (but won’t) purchase Airheads Ice Creams. You know the rule, though: Somebody’s gotta eat it, and that somebody has to be me. Birthday Cake Airheads serve as the final piece of evidence that if a product can be turned into cake, it will be turned into cake… even when it can’t.
Airheads are hugely popular, especially amongst children. Birthday cake is also hugely popular, especially amongst everybody. Birthday Cake Airheads, therefore, will probably sell like hotcakes – birthday hotcakes. I was only able to procure one Birthday Cake Airhead, because I found mine in a 6-pack that also includes blue raspberry, orange, cherry, watermelon, and white mystery. I cannot believe Airheads have made it to their 30th birthday without TELLING ME WHAT THE F*CKING MYSTERY IS! C’mon Airheads, out with it already!! I need to know so I can call every single elementary school friend and finally settle the most popular debate on the playground. UGH. But I digress…
Ok, so my first bite of Birthday Cake Airheads (half the bar) is… interesting. The taffy part is going to throw you for a loop, but I think… this… is… cake? I’m getting vanilla, definitely. I’m getting buttercream, or something close to it. I’m getting sugar, and lots of it. Do I kind of like this? THIS IS SO WEIRD.
The Birthday Cake Airhead is difficult to break down because you can eat this thing in two bites, but they’re intriguing at the very least. There’s a sort-of buttery richness that adds a layer of complexity you won’t find in the fruity flavors. It helps prevent the cake flavor from being just pure sweetness. I do think this is more of a cake flavor than just a straight vanilla one, so props to Airheads for this novelty working better than I expected.
Now let’s still call a spade a spade: Birthday Cake Airheads are strange. The taffy-like tang is a peculiar pairing for cake, and most cakes don’t chew like a tongue. Your mouth just pools with saliva the second you bite into this thing, but at least it’s cake-flavored saliva. I think… ugh.
How Nice It Is To Get Some Tongue On Your Birthday Rating: 10 out of 10
WHAT THE HELL IS THE MYSTERY FLAVOR Rating: 10 out of 10
Overall Rating: 6.5 out of 10
For another opinion on Birthday Cake Airheads, check out The Impulsive Buy’s review!
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