REVIEW: Marshmallow Fruity Pebbles
Welp, since we don’t have a release date on the Fruity Crisp Oreos yet, I guess I’m just going to have to eat a bowl of Marshmallow Fruity Pebbles every day until they’re out…
In my fat youth, mixing breakfast cereals was something of a hobby. I like to think of it as an episode of Chopped. Using only the selection of breakfast cereals in my kitchen pantry (which I had very little control over, just like in Chopped), the challenge was to create a meal greater than the sum of its parts. I would do this at my friends’ houses too, so I even had competition whenever we had sleepovers. I don’t know about you, but I ranked my friendships based on whoever had the best selection of breakfast cereal in their pantry. Anyway, Marshmallow Fruity Pebbles sounds similar to something I created in this imaginary Chopped Kitchen:
Yes, Marshmallow Fruity Pebbles is something of a Fruity Pebbles meets Lucky Charms, once all those stupid oat pieces in Lucky Charms have been removed. Thankfully, Post was nice enough to go ahead and remove them for us, because Lord knows my fat ass was too lazy to do so. Now, if you remember these existing before, you’re slightly mistaken. There have been a worrisome amount of limited edition Pebbles cereals released in the past, and several of them have indeed included marshmallows. But I’m pretty sure this is the first marshmallow version to use Fruity Pebbles as the base. This cereal sounds too sweet, and I am not even talking about the excessive amounts of sugar. This sounds sa-weeeet.
I like to snack on my cereal dry more often than not, but Fruity Pebbles was never one of those cereals. They’re just too tiny and messy for that. Doing it regardless, I am already covered in Marshmallow Fruity Pebbles. Marshmallow Fruity Pebbles are very sweet and fake fruity – not a cereal intended for adults by any means. But I always enjoyed Fruity Pebbles back when I didn’t know that sugars were going to put me in a grave before the age of 40, and the nostalgia alone is immensely satisfying. I guess I’ll never grow up – Fruity Pebbles are still bomb. God, I missed these.
Now for the marshmallows. These aquatic-themed sugar bombs in Marshmallow Fruity Pebbles are Lucky Charms-level quality. You know… the kind that are perfect for breakfast cereals. They’re crunchy as if they were stale, but in a good way? The marshmallows offer a completely artificial, Swiss Miss-like deliciousness that is creamy in flavor with gentle suggestions of vanilla. I would say these are crap, but that’s kind of the point. I love them.
Now onto the milk. Marshmallow Fruity Pebbles, like every other Pebble cereal, get soggy almost as soon as you take the milk of the fridge. It’s as if the pebbles shrivel and die in fear at the mere sight of milk. The marshmallows don’t fare much better, as they nearly melt in your mouth once soaked in milk. While I’ve always hated that about the texture of Pebbles in milk, I actually think the flavor improves. The milk cuts some of the hyper-sweetness in Marshmallow Fruity Pebbles and you’re left with something you could pass as “sustenance” instead of just “diabetes.”
The addition of the marshmallows isn’t going to win anybody the dessert round in Chopped, but the creamy sweetness from the marshmallows shines through the milk-subdued fruit flavors of the pebbles in a balanced spoonful. Both flavors are present, and it operates as expected. Guys, these are just Fruity Pebbles with marshmallows. You didn’t have to read this review; you know what they taste like. I expected to like these a lot, and I did. I sure as hell liked them better than Ice Cream Pebbles, a product I reviewed when Junk Banter was still a baby.
How Much Of a Baby I Still Am Rating: 7 out of 10
How Much I Want Make A Bowl of Cereal For The Chopped Judges Rating: 10 out of 10
Overall Rating: 8 out of 10
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