As we now find ourselves in spring, I’d like to make an observation. Did you guys know that spring has historically been the only true “lull season” on the junk food calendar? This theory is strictly my own. Allow me to explain my theory, before heading into reviews of these Tastykake Spring Strawberry Kandy Kakes and Tastykake Spring Lemon Kandy Kakes.
We’ve had it fairly easy when we first started Junk Banter. We launched the blog in late July 2015, the dog days of summer, just in time for the release of the Lay’s Do Us A Flavor Contest finalists. “Who is this guy eating 4 bags of chips in one sitting,” asked the one girl who read it. “Why are there so many typos?”
By early August, pumpkin spice products began hitting shelves. Pumpkin spice is the official flavor of fall, but junk food companies pump that shit out in mid-summer. We would go on to cover nearly 70 pumpkin spice products, which finally got us the attention we didn’t deserve. This would last well into October, just in time to begin covering Thanksgiving and Christmas products such as pecan pie, gingerbread turkeys, caramel apples, peppermint, and hot cocoa. This bled almost immediately into Valentine’s candy and Easter candy. There was no shortage of exciting material to cover and reviews came easy.
Enter spring – the lull season. There is generally no set script or theme for spring releases. We’re often at the mercy of whatever new products junk food companies just so happen to introduce to their normal lineups, like Fig & Honey Triscuits. Oreos usually keep us busy but that’s about it. I feared that my reviews would be less frequent, but in reality, I will review my shoelaces if I needed to.
The one good thing about this lull season is it’s opportunity to catch my breath and tighten up the diet a bit. It’s an opportunity to reacquaint myself with wholesome foods such as fruit & vegetables – something that non-garbage humans eat regularly. Since a new Oreo didn’t come out today, fruit is on my menu tonight.
Let’s start with some
fresh highly processed strawberries Tastykake Spring Strawberry Kandy Kakes.
Tastykake Strawberry Kandy Kakes are frosted cakes with a strawberry flavored filling. The white coating is simply called “confectionary coating,” and truthfully it doesn’t taste chocolatey or anything. It’s just some good ole’ fashioned artificial sweetness to pair with a buttery cake and strawberry-flavored filling. The cake itself tastes similar to most store-bought pound cakes; a light touch of butter and a dash of vanilla is about all there is to it. The cake chews a bit tougher and isn’t as airy as a butter loaf, however.
The strawberry filling? Mediocre at best. Not overly sweet. The order of the flavors goes like this: Pound cake first, generic confectionary sweetness second, and a stroke of strawberry rounding it out at the end. What I like most about Tasty Strawberry Kandy Kakes is that they’re not as hyper-sweet as I expected. That’s about all there is to say.
How Boring This Review Is Rating: 9 out of 10
How Annoying It Is To Spell Candy With a K Rating: 9.5 out of 10
Overall Rating: 6 out of 10
Tastykake Spring Lemon Kandy Kakes are frosted cakes with lemon flavored filling, aka the exact same formula only with lemon. And you already know where this is going, right? Just replace the word “lemon” in place of “strawberry” in my review of the Strawberry Kandy Kakes and we’re just about done here.
The important difference is the order of flavors, and it’s what makes Tastykake Spring Lemon Kandy Kakes the superior product for me. Lemon is indeed the lead flavor, as the tart and sour fruit is a standout against the confectionary coating. Strawberries are sweeter than lemons, so they had a tougher time fighting through the already-sweet coating and not being redundant. This isn’t the case with lemon, as the sweet & sour combination offers more complexity. I also think lemon pairs better with vanilla than strawberry. While the overall quality doesn’t scream sophistication, Tastykake Lemon Kandy Kakes are good and I like them. That’s it.
How Boring This Review Is Too Rating: 9 out of 10
How Annoying It Still Is To Spell Candy With a K Rating: 10 out of 10
Overall Rating: 7 out of 10
In summary, these are mere placeholders for pumpkins on the junk food calendar. Too bad we’ll have nothing to review this pumpkin season because we reviewed it all last year.
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