Tonight is the riveting finale in our three-part series titled Who Exactly is Betty Crocker, And Why Is My Ass So Big? For those keeping score, it took me almost 4 months to finish telling a simple, three-party story. My bad. I kept getting distracted by Oreos and Root Beer Pop Tarts and dumb Twinkies.
We conclude the story-that-never-ends with a review of the Betty Crocker Sweet Rewards Butterscotch Blondie Bar.
In the previous episode of Who Exactly is Betty Crocker, And Why Is My Ass So Big?, a puzzle contest somehow turned into a baking Q&A session. The predominantly-male advertising department at Washburn-Crosby felt that baking tips should come straight from a woman. Their solution? Make one up.
A fictitious female chief of correspondence was created. The men chose the first name “Betty” because it sounded nice, and they chose the last name “Crocker” to honor their recently retired director, William G. Crocker (a man). All the female employees at Washburn-Crosby were asked to prepare an official Betty Crocker signature, and the winning signature was used when responding to all questions on cooking, baking, and girl stuff.
How, then, do we know what Betty Crocker looks like? The next part is pretty cool. The first portrait of Betty Crocker was a composite painting that blended the facial features of the female employees of Washburn-Crosby’s home service department, as they contributed much to the success of the Betty Crocker persona. The imagery has undergone small changes throughout the years, but Betty Crocker has remained “an ageless 32.” She’s been an iconic household face since 1936.
To finally answer the first question, “Who is Betty Crocker?”, she’s a little bit of all of us. Or something like that.
To answer the second question, Why is my ass so big,” this was actually revealed in Episode 2. It’s because women sure do know their way around a kitchen!
The Betty Crocker Sweet Rewards Butterscotch Blondie Bar is exactly what it sounds like plus caramel flavored drops, rainbow confectionary chips, semisweet chocolate chips, and a chocolate coating on the bottom. Lots of stuff going on here. Unwrapping my bar, I smell M&M’s and butterscotch. Great!
The first bite carries a moderate amount of butterscotch or caramel, which share enough similarities that you could be convinced this were either/or. Hiding in the background is a bit of vanilla. The texture is nearly identical to the Betty Crocker Sweet Rewards Chocolate Chip Cookie Bar – soft with some welcomed layered textures from the chocolatey bottom and duo of chips. The bar doesn’t crumble when you bite into it, and mostly chews just as a blondie would.
While I did enjoy this, some elements of the Betty Crocker Sweet Rewards Butterscotch Blondie Bar are a miss. You know how this bar has a chocolate coating on the bottom? You could have fooled me. Same goes for the rainbow chips and chocolate chips. I didn’t taste any substantial chocolate notes in this bar. All I really got was vanilla, caramel, and butter.
These flavors are indeed what you would find in a blondie, but the butterscotch element didn’t enter the fray seamlessly. I found the flavors to be a little unbalanced. Perhaps there is such a thing as too much butter. Or maybe I just don’t want butterscotch with my blondies.
In summary, you ladies really biffed this one
How Many People Came Here To Read About Betty Crocker Rating: 0 out of 10
How Big My Ass Is Rating: 10 out of 10
Overall Rating: 6 out of 10
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