Last year, I ran with a theory that the Pillsbury Dough Boy had turned into a girl. He sure likes pumpkin spice an awful lot and he’s the whitest person-thing that I know. The Internet told me that only white girls can enjoy pumpkin spice, and everything you read on the Internet is true.
For the second year in the row, we have evidence that he-she is a girl. The primary requirement to be a Girl Scout is to be a girl. The Girls Scouts produce Thin Mints. The Pillsbury Dough Boy has been accepted into the Girl Scouts and is now the lead chef behind the new Pillsbury Thin Mints Brownie Mix.
I think we can all agree this is a powerhouse collaboration between two of the finest dessert makers in the country. Pillsbury Thin Mints Brownie Mix has a cupcake mix cousin, but brownies generally scream to me more than cupcakes. They scream things like “You are powerless against me!” and “Have you heard of a treadmill?!”
All you need to make Pillsbury Thin Mints Brownie Mix are the contents of the package, some water, oil, one egg, and acceptance of the fact that your beach body will have to wait until next summer. The bagged mixture comes with “chocolate chunks in the mix.” Whenever I’m deciding what to eat, chocolate chunks are always in the mix.
I took a heaping spoonful of the dry mixture to the face: minty. I sampled the batter once mixed with the wet ingredients: minty. I ate a Thin Mint cookie while the brownies baked: minty.
Once cooled completely (a thousand centuries), I sampled the brownies and was delighted that the final product wasn’t overwhelmingly minty like the dry mixture and batter suggested. Too much mint and these would have been a gimmick. What we have here is a fine Pillsbury brownie mixture inspired by the flavors of a Thin Mint Girls Scout Cookie. The result is a successful one.
If you cook them properly, the brownies are plenty moist. The chocolate chunks are frequent and unleash little pockets of awesomeness through the brownie. These chunks are sweeter than the cocoa-based brownie, adding some complexity beyond the addition of mint. If you eat one before they cool completely because you’re impatient like me, the chunks become little chocolate lava pools inside the cake-like brownie. Once cooled as God intended, the chunks solidify. Despite the fact that I used the revolting word “chunks” four times in one paragraph, these brownies are damn good.
The flavor of the mint is that of peppermint, just as in the Thin Mint cookie. I know the pairing of chocolate and mint is safe, but I don’t encounter it in brownie form very often personally. The formula here was a good one from the start and they didn’t fuck it up. That’s something worth celebrating.
In summary, join me in welcoming the Pillsbury Dough Girl into the Girl Scouts!
Difficulty of Waiting To “Cool Completely” Before Cutting Rating: 10 out of 10
How Easy It Is To Get Into the Girl Scouts, Apparently Rating: 8.5 out of 10
Overall Rating: 8 out of 10
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