Hostess Twinkies have gotten a lot of airtime on Junk Banter. I’ve covered so many Twinkies that a friend of mine jokingly refers to me as a “Fat Twinkie Blogger.”

I don’t think it counts as a joke if it’s true.

I can’t say for sure why I keep doing it to myself. Twinkies disappoint me almost always. Even the were a letdown, as impossible as that sounds. I had just about accepted that Twinkies simply aren’t good, but then this happened:

Hostess Deep Fried Twinkies are the latest test of the theory that if you fry anything, it improves. Fried Twinkies have long been a staple at State Fairs. But if you prefer to not subject yourself to all the freak shows at the fair, you can now subject yourself to all the freak shows at Walmart, of which I am the main attraction. Stop by and say hello; I’ll be the sad soul Snapchatting pictures of Twinkies to some strangers he thinks are his friends.

Hostess Deep Fried Twinkies are available exclusively at Walmart at press time, but will reportedly hit other retailers in a few months.

Hostess Deep Fried Twinkies

Hostess Deep Fried Twinkies come 7 in a box, which is 6 more than any of us really need. You gotta do one though. You can’t not buy something called Deep Fried Twinkies. When you find yourself in a stare down with an entire freezer end cap decorated from floor to ceiling with fried Twinkies, you just bow your head in defeat and you buy 14 fried Twinkies.

To prepare these shame logs, simply bake in a conventional oven at 350 degrees for 6-8 minutes – the recommended cooking method. Other options include the toaster oven and, if you really want to flirt with death, you can deep fry them a second time.

Hostess Deep Fried Twinkies (Original Golden)

First up is original golden, hereby known as (OG). The OG Hostess Deep Fried Twinkie is a funnel cake battered sponge cake with creamy filling. Did you catch that one thing? This is a Twinkie covered in funnel cake before it’s deep fried in fat.

I was expecting a golden brown Twinkie out of the oven, but instead got a Twinkie with jaundice. It’s not super crunchy out of the oven, but the Fried Twinkie does have a crispy outside and a softer cake-like inside. Best of all, it totally tastes like funnel cake. It’s buttery and understandably greasy, i.e. it’s delicious.

The creme inside the Fried Twinkie basically becomes vanilla icing once melted. Imagine a funnel cake with warm vanilla glaze on top instead of powdered sugar. Yes, please. The creme filing tastes a lot better in its heated-up state. In fact, these don’t even taste that much like Twinkies. They’re far better. Maybe a bit too much oil, maybe a little straightforward, but a Deep Fried Twinkie sure hits the spot – that very soft spot between your 2nd and 3rd stomach rolls.

Stomach Roll #2 Rating: 0.5 out of 10
Stomach Roll #3 Rating: 0 out of 10
Overall Rating: 8.5 out of 10

Hostess Deep Fried Chocolate Twinkie

As if that weren’t enough, we also have the Hostess Deep Fried Chocolate Twinkie. This one features a chocolate breaded sponge cake with a chocolate creamy filling. No funnel cake this time around; two chocolates though.

The chocolate exterior has an added texture like cookie crumbs where the OG was smooth. The chocolate breading has a prominent cocoa flavor that tastes great on its own. It’s sweet and not bitter, and has a little more crunch factor when baked due to those crumbs.

Now for the really exciting part. The creamy filling tastes like the chocolate icing that rests atop frosted doughnuts. It’s much sweeter than the chocolate breading, making for excellent contrast. When you combine this filling with the fried golden sponge cake, this thing tastes like a chocolate frosted doughnut fresh off the line, then topped with chocolate crunchies. There’s even a little vanilla flavor here, and the overall package calls to mind a Boston cream. It’s like a wonderful Twinkie-Donut hybrid that explodes chocolate sauce.

While we’re being fat, I’d be very interested in a chocolate breading surrounding a Twinkie with the normal white filling. This would effectively be the Oreo Churro on steroids, or at least some kind of rapid weight gain supplement anyway.

Looks Like A Turd Rating: 8.5 out of 10
…a Delicious Turd Rating: 9.5 out of 10
Overall Rating: 9 out of 10

Major props to Hostess for bringing the carnival right to my couch and into my mouth. If you make the conscious decision to eat a Deep Fried Twinkie, you’re probably at a low point and just about anything will do. The execution here is far better than anticipated.

In summary, fry things to make them better.

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