Fast forward through the part where I don’t like candy corn and hit play at the part where I love me some brunch.

Brach's Brunch Favorites Candy Corn

Brach’s Brunch Favorites Candy Corn

Brach’s new Target-exclusive candy corn is inspired by the glorious meal that is actually two. I love eating delicious food (aka carbs) in mass quantity. Brach’s Brunch Favorites Candy Corn features some of the best carb-heavy dishes one might enjoy at brunch, all crammed into the tiny little carb-bombs known as candy corn. Though I think Brach’s did forget a few brunch staples, such as:

  1. Bacon.
  2. Bottomless Mimosas.
  3. Huevos Rancheros.
  4. The part where I continue day drinking and don’t return home from brunch until 11 A.M… the next day.

Brach's Brunch Favorites Candy Corn

The flavors in Brach’s Brunch Favorites are French Toast & Maple Syrup, Waffles & Strawberry, and Chocolate Chip & Pancakes. This is my go-to order every time I step foot into Denny’s, so it’s nice to see that Brach’s and I share the same interests.

Welp, let’s get this started… the bottomless mimosas end in 15 minutes and I haven’t even blacked out yet.

Brach's French Toast & Maple Syrup

French Toast & Maple Syrup

First up is French Toast & Maple Syrup. This one actually works pretty damn well. As sweet as maple syrup is, it’s a natural fit for hyper-sweet sugary corn. But Branch’s did a better job than just maple syrup. There are clear elements of butter and vanilla here to boot. I even find the taste a little egg-y. Weird, I know, but it’s French toast. I would have preferred a little bit of cinnamon here. I also would have preferred for this to not be candy corn and just be an actual plate of French toast and maple syrup, but we can’t win ’em all. Can somebody get us an Uber?

Current Time: 2:01 PM
Current LocationEn route to the next bar.
Current Feels: ?
French Toast & Maple Syrup Rating: 7 out of 10

Waffles & Strawberry

Waffles & Strawberry

Next up in Brach’s Brunch Favorites is Waffles & Strawberry. I think I like this one even better, or maybe those mimosas have really kicked in. It has a strong strawberry flavor that’s both artificial and successful at the same time. Aside from the fruitiness, it has a few similarities with the French Toast & Maple Syrup one. There’s a definite butteriness and a tinge of syrup too. Candy corn in general is creamy enough, so there’s your whipped cream. It reminds me a lot of Eggo Strawberry Waffles. Not bad for candy corn! UGH we have to go back I left my tab open at the third bar.

Current Time: 8:37 P.M.
Current Location: Heading back to Max’s Taphouse.
Current Feels: ?
Waffles & Strawberry Rating: 8 out of 10

Chocopate Chip & Pancake

Chocopate Chip & Pancake

Last and also least in Brach’s Brunch Favorites is Chocolate Chip & Pancakes. I don’t care much for this one. Maybe it’s the vodka talking, or maybe I just hit my candy corn quota for the day, but this one kinda makes me sick. Butteriness is still here, and something vaguely floury like a pancake? Idk.

Note that they called it Chocolate Chip (singular) & Pancake instead of Chocolate Chip Pancakes (implying many chips folded into the pancakes). It’s appropriate because I don’t taste much chocolate. Maybe it really is supposed to be one chip and then lots of pancakes. Hard to tell… I can barely see straight. Tiffany puked in that vase over there by the way.

CuRreNt TiMe: 1:48 A.M.
CuRrenT LoCaTioN: After Party, Ted’s house.
CuRrEnt FeeLz: ?
Chocolate Chip & Pancakes Rating: 5.5 out of 10

Brach’s Brunch Favorites is a fun Halloween release that has nothing to do with Halloween. Brach’s shot for the moon with some complex brunch plates but was mostly smart in their selections. All three of the dishes include a maple syrup component, and this translates well for candy corn. The buttery flavor, also a common element to the three dishes, is sometimes successful but can become nauseating. It might seem odd having candy corn this early in the day, but hey… who would have thought this leftover Dominos pizza from last night would make for such a good breakfast?

In summary, I’m never drinking again…

Current Time: 11:11 A.M.
Current Location: Finally home from brunch.
Current Feels: ?
Overall Rating: 7 out of 10

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2 Responses

  1. Chuck says:

    Try eating brunch candy corns at the same time as goldfish crackers. Two goldfish and one candy corn. Not sure why, but it’s some kind of yummy.

    • Junk Male says:

      This is a very specific request. I trust that you went through some other awful combinations before discovering this one worked so well.