Oh boy, you wanna talk about cutting corners?
The Keebler Elves have one job – to make cookies. The process is simple:
1) Make the dough.
2) Bake the dough.
But apparently that was too much work this time, because the Keebler Elves now sell their unfinished product at stores like Dollar General.
Now, I shouldn’t complain much; cookie dough is great after all. But a proper recipe includes eggs and requires refrigeration so as not to spoil the product. Keebler Cookie Dough Minis, on the other hand, can be found in a box on a dimly lit shelf in a store that sells about-to-expire foodstuffs at prices that imply something has already gone afoul.
According to the box, Keebler Cookie Dough Minis Chocolate Chip are made with real chocolate and are enlarged to show texture. They contain flour, sugar, butter, chocolate, baking soda… everything you’d find in real cookie dough minus the eggs. They’re produced with genetic engineering and contain many preservatives to ensure you don’t barf.
Keebler Cookie Dough Minis Chocolate Chip are slimy/sweaty to the touch. Good start.
The cookie dough minis are soft and chewy like cookie dough, but lack the sugary grit. This lack of sugary grit also means a lack of sugary sweetness. While not completely disgusting, they’re not particular satisfying either.
The bites are only slightly buttery and only slightly sweet. There’s a tiny burst of salt like with real chocolate chip cookies, but the flavor it accentuates isn’t stellar. To their credit, a mild cocoa flavor is present. However, the chocolate chips offer no textural contrast to keep things fun. Everything is “just okay.”
Can you really complain for under a buck? Yes, actually, I will. Keebler Cookie Dough Minis aren’t the breakthrough in store-bought portable cookie dough that the world needs. But they make for a fun novelty buy I guess. At least once…
*Only once. Buy these once and then move on with your sad life.
The Keebler Elves’ Work Ethic Rating: 3 out of 10
My Work Ethic Blogging About Nothing Rating: 9 out of 10
Overall Rating: 5.5 out of 10
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