REVIEW: Trader Joe’s Sticky Pumpkin Cake with Hard Sauce

I need an adult, I need an adult!

Trader Joe's Sticky Pumpkin Cake with Hard Sauce

Trader Joe’s Sticky Pumpkin Cake with Hard Sauce

Trader Joe’s Sticky Pumpkin Cake with Hard Sauce makes me uncomfortable on multiple levels.

This product is filled with so many sexual innuendos that I literally can’t even. I never thought I’d want to try Trader Joe’s sticky anything, nor do I want an explanation of what exactly “hard sauce” is. The picture on the box looks like it was taken during a 1970s porno shoot and I’m pretty sure I can see this guy in the background:

Be thankful I chose this photo.

Be thankful I chose this photo and not the other one.

Aside from the naming and packaging fail, Trader Joe’s Sticky Pumpkin Cake with Hard Sauce sounds pretty damn good. The description on the box reads: “Like an autumnal cousin to Sticky Toffee Pudding, this Sticky Pumpkin Cake fits the bill for an evening by the fire (real or imagined). The rum-caramel “hard sauce” brings additional warmth to the pumpkin and spices.”

Oh, rum-caramel. Thank God.

Trader Joe’s Sticky Pumpkin Cake with Hard Sauce looks a little sad before you prepare it…

Trader Joe's Sticky Pumpkin Cake with Hard Sauce

But after you microwave for about 1 minute 45 seconds and then flip the bitch onto a plate, it’s transformed into something truly special.

Trader Joe's Sticky Pumpkin Cake with Hard Sauce

I’ll just get right to it: Trader Joe’s Sticky Pumpkin Cake with Hard Sauce is divine and I love everything about it.

Trader Joe's Sticky Pumpkin Cake with Hard Sauce

The cake is both pumpkiny AND spicy, something we rarely see in modern-day pumpkin junk. The spices are robust and showcase the deeper ones like nutmeg and cloves. Pecans are the perfect addition, adding some crunch and additional flavor to this soaking wet masterpiece. The cake is so moist that it’s nearly melting underneath a warm pool of rum-caramel hard sauce.

And oh my God, the hard sauce. It’s buttery like a fine caramel but spicy and boozy like a stiff eggnog. The sauce is smooth like a good sauce oughta be and it’s less viscous than its appearance would have you believe. This is a very good thing, my friends.

The sweetness of the sauce pairs wonderfully with the spicy cake, and then booze makes things better. As it often does.

Trader Joe's Sticky Pumpkin Cake with Hard Sauce

I can’t gush about this enough. Trader Joe’s Sticky Pumpkin Cake with Hard Sauce is truly phenomenal. This is the best new pumpkin product I’ve had in a long while – the finest of 2016 at a minimum. I like to think of it as a combination of two different holiday favorites,pumpkin spice & eggnog, making it the ideal treat for this transition period between fall and winter.

In summary, the hard sauce isn’t the only thing that’s hard right now.

Pornography in the 1970s Rating: 4.5 out of 10
Booze’s Ability to Improve Everything Rating: 9 out of 10
Overall Rating: 9.5 out of 10

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