White Chocolate M&M’s – such a simple concept that it’s impossible to understand why we haven’t had them yet.

It’s particularly impossible because we have had them. White Chocolate M&M’s have come and disappeared in a flash at least three times in the last decade or so: first for a Pirates of the Caribbean movie and then twice dropped off by the Easter bunny. Have you ever blinked before? You may have missed them.

Luckily, White Chocolate M&M’s have returned and boy did they dress up to make sure they got your attention.

“Do me.”

Shimmery White Chocolate M&M’s are the new Target-exclusive M&M for the 2016 holiday season. Basically they’re white chocolate M&M’s that are supposed to sparkle or some shit. They’re like that one sloppy girl in the club who got ready by putting on a shell of an outfit and then blasting herself in the face with a fistful of glitter before heading out.

“All ready!”

Except not really. The Shimmery White Chocolate M&M’s don’t even shimmer all that much. They look like they were painted with those glittery markers, but ones you left the cap off for too long. They lose some presentation points for sure. Also, they lose points because I couldn’t figure out what to make for my patented M&M art:

???

But I guess the important thing is the quality of the white chocolate, and Shimmery White Chocolate M&M’s perform well in this regard. The chocolate candies are exceptionally creamy. As far as white chocolate goes, these are strong on the vanilla side. It’s pretty much the Candy Corn M&M’s without that dumbass candy corn funk. They’re a little less sweet, maintaining a milky sweetness instead of just straight sugary sweetness. This is a very good thing.

Shimmery White Chocolate M&M’s

There’s something about the crispy shell that pairs quite well with this white chocolate. The hard, sugary exterior gives way to a smooth vanilla-ish center that melts quickly in your mouth and not once, ever, in your hand. It’s also worth noting that the M&M’s are enormous, ensuring that you’ll be Ho-Ho-Hoing in no time.

This is pretty simple. If you enjoy white chocolate like I do, Shimmery White Chocolate M&M’s deliver with no major drawbacks. If you don’t like white chocolate, then you probably shouldn’t buy these. They’re as straightforward as can be but the execution is solid nonetheless.

WTF is up with that sparkle though?

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest Rating: 5.4 out of 10
Girls Who Wear Too Much Glitter Rating: 4 out of 10
Overall Rating: 7.5 out of 10

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