REVIEW: Trader Joe’s Jingle Jangle Ice Cream

Trader Joe’s Jingle Jangle.

You may have never heard of it, but here’s the abbreviated description via Trader Joe’s website: “Jingle Jangle is an assortment of a whole bunch of things that taste terrific bathed in chocolate.”

Milk chocolate covered pretzels with a white chocolate drizzle. Dark chocolate covered caramel popcorn. Dark chocolate covered Joe-Joe’s. Candy coated chocolate gems. Milk chocolate peanut butter cups. Also, dark chocolate peanut butter cups. I think the only thing missing is chocolate covered ice cream, but it’s pretty difficult to add ice cream into a snack mix.

Fortunately, it’s a lot easier to add the snack mix into ice cream.

Trader Joe's Jingle Jangle Ice Cream

Trader Joe’s Jingle Jangle Ice Cream

Trader Joe continues his impressive streak of being a glorious bastard with Trader Joe’s Jingle Jangle Ice Cream. The description is lazy but who cares: ice cream with Jingle Jangle candy mix.

My jingles are already jangling.

Trader Joe's Jingle Jangle

Well, they stopped. That’s because Trader Joe’s Jingle Jangle Ice Cream sounds a lot better than it is.

“Ice cream with Jingle Jangle candy mix” is an accurate description, but unfortunately they forgot to flavor that ice cream with anything at all. If it’s supposed to be vanilla, it’s bland and unrecognizable. Is it supposed to be sweet cream? I don’t know; it just tastes like cold, boring nothingness.

Like shitty frozen milk.

Trader Joe's Jingle Jangle Ice Cream

While it’s impossible to overlook a shitty base, a high density of Jingle Jangle candy mix could have saved it. That’s not what you get though. The above photo includes a more fortunate scoop that contained a modest amount of mix-ins. But you might be staring at the lone pretzel in the entire container. And wasn’t the pretzel supposed to be covered in chocolate?

You really have to put in a lot of effort to find anything good in Trader Joe’s Jingle Jangle Ice Cream mix. It’s a lot like an archeological dig. Sure, you might discover a tasty peanut butter cup or a large chocolate-covered Joe-Joe chunk every once in a while, but excitement fades fast once you get right back to digging tirelessly. And something about being cold and soaking in this boring ice cream dulled the mix-ins flavors. It’s like, “hey, wait a minute… these old dinosaur bones don’t taste good that good.” The candy gems are nonfactors and I’m still searching for that chocolate covered caramel popcorn.

Trader Joe's Jingle Jangle Ice Cream

Where are you?

Trader Joe’s Jingle Jangle Ice Cream isn’t even a victim of ridiculous expectations. The ice cream is just not good. On top of that, there isn’t enough candy to compensate. The idea was devilishly brilliant but the execution lazy.

Maybe Trader Joe outsourced this one to The Grinch. Shit sucks.

Jingle Rating: 6 out of 10
Jangle Rating: 2 out of 10
Overall Rating: 4.5 out of 10

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