Since nobody exercising their own free will stalks grocery stores the day after Christmas looking for Valentine’s Day candy but I, nobody else gets to experience this simple joy. You need to hear the reactions from unsuspecting shoppers upon their first sight of Valentine’s Day candy, such as when I spotted these Cherry M&M’s at Target in late December:
“Oh, you’ve got to be fucking kidding me.” ~Foulmouthed Lady A
“But it’s not even January yet!” ~Bewildered Lady A
“Ugh, you’re going to be so spoiled by Valentine’s Day.” ~Boyfriend A to Girlfriend A
“Do you guys have any other new flavors in the back?” ~Fat Food Blogger A
Ladies and gentlemen, my name is Fat Food Blogger A and I’m here to talk about Cherry M&M’s.
I first popped my cherry with Cherry M&M’s when they debuted circa 2014. Prior to that, the remarkably similar-sounding Cherry Cordial M&M’s existed. Even prior, Wildly Cherry M&M’s were a thing. I can’t imagine how the iterations were different, but I never tried the elders because I didn’t know they existed. Does anyone remember when M&M’s were but plain or peanut? These days I have to make new M&M art one a week so that people will like me on Instagram.
There’s a pretty sweet cherry scent that greets you when you unwrap your Cherry M&M’s. Half of these are the normal M&M red, while the others are the deep, seductive red that you find on dark cherries. Easy choice on colors here, but A+ to Mars for keeping it simple. The color scheme appropriately frames the experience and has you thinking cherries before they even hit your lips. You know that sexy imagery of the beautiful woman dropping cherries into her mouth?
What I’m about to do is nothing like that.
If you like cherry cordials, these Cherry M&M’s are the jackpot. Mars managed to capture everything you love about the cherry cordial sans the alcohol, and condensed it into a neat and tidy morsel. These Cherry M&M’s have the same syrupy sweet of a cherry cordial filling without any of the sticky mess. Given the way that M&M’s milk chocolate melts and never, not once, in your hands, these candies even feel juicy like a cherry cordial… or maybe that’s just my saliva because I’m a drooling, disgusting human being.
There’s not much else to say about Cherry M&M’s. Mars executed these wonderfully. The cherry flavor isn’t artificial or medicinal like some other attempts at the fruit. That said, it’s a very familiar flavor combination. You can find cherry cordials year-round if you look hard enough,
If this strong performances has you eager for the next M&M, it already came out.
Tastes So Pleasant It’s Cordial Rating: 9.5 out of 10
How Long Since I Popped My First Cherry Rating: I Still Haven’t out of 10
Overall Rating: 7.5 out of 10
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