Have you ever bitten into a buttery cinnamon roll and thought to yourself: “Boy, this is awfully healthy?” 

You’re in luck, my friend…

Pillsbury Grands! Maple Brown Sugar Rolls

Pillsbury Grands! Maple Brown Sugar Rolls

Pillsbury Grands! Maple Brown Sugar Rolls. That’s right, maple syrup. Maple is the Sweet Nectar of the Fatasses for making things better. Nothing makes my teeth scream and my heart smile quite like maple syrup.

Just look at how happy the Pillsbury Doughboy is as he prepares to dress the rolls with a pitcher of syrup larger than his entire upper body.

Pillsbury Grands! Maple Brown Sugar Rolls

Now, let’s keep it real a second. Pillsbury Grands! Maple Brown Sugar Rolls don’t use any real maple syrup. In fact, they don’t even use any real brown sugar. Or cinnamon…

WTF am I about to eat?

While the mystery rolls were baking, I sampled the icing. Welp they nailed the “sugar” part with authority. The icing is even sweeter than I expected. The maple & brown sugar nuance is subtle; tasty but not potent. Of what’s there, I would call it 40% maple and 60% straight sugar.

Pillsbury Grands! Maple Brown Sugar Rolls

The dough in Pillsbury Grands! Maple Brown Sugar Rolls tastes like a gently buttered biscuit. If baked properly, the outside is crispy but the inside is fluffy like a fresh homestyle biscuit.

The maple-ish icing does pair really well with the dough.

Pillsbury Grands! Maple Brown Sugar Rolls

When you get that lightly maple-flavored icing all up in there, I was delighted at the comparison to pancakes & syrup. The extra-sweet nature of the icing does a fairly decent job providing flavor to every bite. Unfortunately, you don’t get that much icing for the five gigantic rolls.

And it’s the rolls’ gigantism that hold them back. There’s a ton of dough, and there’s zero flavor folded into it. There’s some kind of flavorless goop packed into the dough. It’s not cinnamon and it added nothing discernible. The icing does 100% of the legwork for the extra flavor other than the dough itself. While the two did pair nicely together, the final product needs some extra flavor towards the center of the roll. This is a common theme with the Pillsbury Grands! Rolls.

Are you listening Pillsbury? WE NEED BETTER GOOP.

Cinnabon Goop Rating: 9.5 out of 10
This Goop Rating: 3 out of 10
Overall Rating: 6.5 out of 10

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2 Responses

  1. Laurie says:

    My hubby and I are eating these now. They were good. Since the can usually unroll the dough for me, I’ll add some extra cinnamon and sugar. I also, while the rolls are baking, put the icing on the hottest part of the stovetop. It’s easier to spread. I totally agree with the pancakes assessment. I was reading your article to my husband. Rolls, coffee and laughter on a lazy Sunday morning is a good way to start the day.

    • Junk Male says:

      Thanks for reading Laurie! Sounds like your cinnamon roll game is a lot stronger than mine. Love the technique.