REVIEW: Thomas’ Pizza Flavored Bagels

When I was a kid, you couldn’t find my chubby ass at a birthday party, sleepover, or pool party without a Bagel Bite in my hand (and several more in my mouth)

Bagel Bites were my ultimate Fat Kid snack. My rolls still jiggle fondly when I think about all the childhood memories I made with Bagel Bites on the menu. For example, I recall attending a party to celebrate a youth baseball league championship. The party had both real pizza AND Bagel Bites, but I did a greater number on the Bagel Bites because I loved them so much. On a separate occasion, I made a whole box of Bagel Bites and ate them alone in solitude.

It was the best day of my life.

But Bagel Bites are one of those foods that lose some magic as you mature. I’m sure they taste great still, but the desire to purchase dwindles as your spending power and decision-making authority both increase.

I’m an adult, dammit.

Thomas' Pizza Flavored Bagels

Thomas’ Pizza Flavored Bagels

Oh, Mamma Mia… Thomas’ Pizza Flavored Bagels! That’s right, bagels that are NOT pizza, but bagels that are flavored like pizza. What a time to be a greasy, bread-loving fat Italian idiot like me.

Thomas’ Pizza Flavored bagels certainly smell like pizza – right through the bag. The ingredients include popular pizza buzz words such as: tomato, spices, garlic powder, onion, paprika, red bell pepper, and chili pepper. Also, less popular ones like: flour, yeast, gluten, and 49g of carbohydrates.

Thomas' Pizza Flavored Bagels

Thomas’ Pizza Flavored Bagels

I took a bite of Thomas’ Pizza Flavored Bagels straight from the package. Savory and tasty. The main things I could pick out were hints of garlic, rosemary, and red peppers. The flavor were pleasant but mild. This basically tastes like fresh artisan bread from a good – not spectacular – bakery. Another good comparison is that last bite of pizza near the crust that only has a tiny bit of sauce lingering.

Then I thought “Junk Banter… you idiot. You would never put seasoning on raw pizza dough and call it a pizza. The very least I could do was toast it into a mock pizza crust.

Thomas' Pizza Flavored Bagels

With cream cheese.

Butter on pizza sounds gross so I went with cream cheese on a toasted bagel. This actually surprised the hell out of me. In this fashion, Thomas’ Pizza Flavored Bagels reminded me a lot of a white slice of pizza. Hell, this would work well for breakfast, lunch, dinner, or right now at midnight as I prepare this review. This was legitimately awesome.

But then I thought back to my roots.

I wanted a Bagel Bite, dammit.

Thomas' Pizza Flavored Bagels

With mozzarella and pepperoni.

Okay, so obviously this was great! Just as the package instructs, I toasted the bagel first, then covered with mozzarella cheese and pepperoni and baked at 375 degrees. Then I put it under the broiler for a couple of minutes to brown the cheese.

One thing I skipped was the pizza sauce they recommended. My hope was that the seasoning from the bagel would fill in the gap and take care of the rest. Instead, this tasted like delicious cheesy bread with a little seasoning.

Then I thought, “Junk Banter… what are you, stupid? Of course it would have been better with pizza sauce.

And THEN I thought…

“I’ll show you who’s stupid.”

Thomas' Pizza Flavored Bagels

With pizza slice.

Haha, oh my God. And if you think I didn’t actually eat this, then you don’t follow me on Snapchat.

Thomas' Pizza Flavored Bagels

Ladies and gents, the Super Duper Deep Dish Pizza.

I love you guys. These bagels are so much fun.

Versatility Rating: 9 out of 10
Ordering a Full Pizza Just for a Review Rating: 7.5 out of 10
Overall Rating: 8.5 out of 10

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