REVIEW: Cadbury Chocolate Crunch & Creme Mini Eggs
Cadbury Mini Eggs are man’s single greatest achievement. They are also connected to one of my most awkward memories with your favorite blogger, Junk Male.
This is a review of Cadbury Chocolate Crunch & Creme Mini Eggs, as well as a confession.
If you check out the “About Us” section on this site, you’ll see that Junk Banter is the brainchild of “two maniacs”. This is absolutely the most accurate description for the two of us. But you probably don’t know (or care) that Junk Male and I have been friends since we were kids. This includes high school, when everyone is an objectively insufferable bundle of self-involved hormones.
Sophomore year, while discussing my love for Cadbury Mini Eggs instead of paying attention in British Literature (because literally no one cares about the Canterbury Tales), Junk Male and I made plans to watch Willy Wonka at my house that afternoon.
At the end of the day, though, one of my crushes casually asked me if I wanted to hang out sometime. I responded, every so coolly, “YES OF COURSE HOW ABOUT RIGHT NOW”. I’d like to say that this guy ended up being my one true love, or that I explained the situation to Junk Male and rescheduled our movie date like a non-jerk, but the truth is I was a dumb high school girl. I blew off my plans with Junk Male to sit in a Burger King parking lot and eat Chicken Fries (5.5 out of 10) with some guy who, Facebook would later inform me, ended up going to jail for identity theft.
Anyway, the worst part was when I got home. There was Junk Male, hanging out with my mom and dad, holding a big bag of my favorite Cadbury Mini Eggs and looking suuuuuuper furious.
Luckily, much like a Twinkie, our friendship was indestructible, resilient, and filled with spongy goodness. He even still shared the Mini Eggs with me. THAT, ladies and gentlemen, is a friend for life. And this was an incredibly tangential way of explaining that Cadbury Mini Eggs have always been an important part of Junk Banter’s collective lives.
These Cadbury Chocolate Crunch & Creme Mini Eggs have a lot to live up to. Can they pull it off?
The colors are a dark pastel that remind me a lot of Easter egg dyes. I’m immediately on board with that, because dyeing Easter eggs is one of the most fun things ever. When I was a kid, I would use that clear crayon that came in the kits and write words like “fart” on my eggs, then shriek with laughter when my mom would pretend to be outraged. Cadbury Chocolate Crunch & Creme Mini Eggs are too mini to write dirty words on them, but they’re headed in a promising direction already.
Unfortunately, the color might be the best thing about these. They are the same shape and size as traditional mini eggs, but the shell coating is definitely different. It reminds me of the shell coating they use in the Christmas version, which is thicker and less delicate. The snap and crunch of the mini egg shell is arguably one of the best parts of the mini egg experience, and this one is lacking. I noticed it even more when I tried to let the shell dissolve in my mouth; it just kind of faded away instead.
As for the taste? Meh. The delicious and silky Cadbury Mini Egg chocolate is replaced by white chocolate and cookie bits, and it doesn’t really work for me. The cookie bits add a nice textural crunch, but get completely lost in terms of flavor. Maybe that’s why they went with “Crunch & Creme” instead of “Cookies & Creme”? If you nibble them out one by one then they have a stronger cookie taste, but I am getting weird looks from people, so I wouldn’t recommend going that route. Flavor-wise, you’re left with a big chunk of average-tasting white chocolate and nothing else. I don’t hate it, but I’m not compelled to continuing nomming.
Pretty much all of my favorite things about Cadbury Mini Eggs–the silky chocolate and the delicate shell–are missing in the Cadbury Chocolate Crunch & Creme Mini Eggs. They aren’t terrible, and white chocolate lovers might be very pleased, but they certainly don’t improve upon the legendary original. In short, if Junk Male was bringing these over to my house, I’d definitely blow him off again.
How Awkward It Was to Watch Willy Wonka That Day Rating: 9 out of 10
How Close That Artist Rendering Is To The Real Junk Male Rating: 9.5 out of 10
Overall Rating: 5 out of 10
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