Oh, Starburst. I love you so much even though you’re responsible for the most annoying commercial ever made. That stupid Berries & Creme leprechaun still haunts my dreams.
But aside from the BCA (short for “Berries & Creme Asshat”), Starburst is usually pretty reliable for those rare times when I want fruit instead of chocolate. I love their FaveRED’s lineup, and their jellybeans are one of my favorite Easter candies. I’m unsure of what to expect with these Starburst Jellybeans Ice Cream Flavors, though.
It’s….a weird idea, right? You’d think if they wanted to tackle an ice cream flavor, they’d do it with their fruit chews. Those have a creamy component already. Ice cream jellybeans seem like they’d belong in a batch of Bertie Bott’s Every Flavor Beans: unique, fun, and mostly terrible tasting. Nevertheless, I’m super curious to see how the “ice cream” aspect of Starburst Jellybeans Ice Cream Flavors is carried out. There are four flavors to choose from: strawberry, red raspberry, orange sherbert, and lemon sorbet. So without further ado, here’s the scoop, and I can’t believe it’s taken me this long into the review to work in an ice cream pun.
This has to be the worst flavor that a human mouth is capable of tasting. I hate it so much. It tastes like very strong medicinal bubblegum, with a heavy fake creaminess to it. Start to finish it was incredibly unpleasant. Whoever thought that this tasted like strawberry ice cream must have had the worst childhood imaginable. If the Berries & Creme Asshat was a jellybean, he would be this flavor.
Rating: -5 out of 10.
This one definitely fares better, but it’s still not very good. The “ice cream” flavor might be the common thread of grossness here–it’s a fake-tasting addition to the natural fruit flavors of traditional Starburst. It kind of washes out the fruit flavor; in this case, I would have liked a lot more of the red raspberry and less of the “cream” taste.
Rating: 4.5 out of 10.
Okay, this one I like. It tastes a lot like orange sherbert. It’s a very Tic-Tac orange, but with a creaminess towards the middle and end that softens it up. I’d actually eat more than one of these without wanting to jump off a cliff, which is not something I can say about Strawberry.
Rating: 7 out of 10.
Nailed it. Super tasty. The lemon is light and crisp, and somehow the “sorbet” differential actually comes through. This doesn’t taste like lemon ice cream; it’s very clearly sorbet, and that might be why this one doesn’t make me want to gouge out my taste buds. The slightly crunchy exterior of the jellybean works in this flavor’s favor, because it’s kind of similar to the icy bits in a sorbet.
Rating: 8 out of 10.
Well, there you have it. The only flavors that I liked in Starburst Jellybeans Ice Cream Flavors were the non-ice cream ones. They definitely did not nail the “creamy” factor, but their approaches to sherbert and sorbet were much more successful. Overall, though, this mix leaves you a 50/50 chance of not enjoying your jellybean, and a 25% chance of eating the jellybean version of a child’s nightmare. I would like to meet the evil monster who created the strawberry ice cream jellybean so I can punch him in the stomach. I have a sneaking suspicion that I know what he looks like.
Annoyingness of the Berries & Creme Asshat Rating: 10 out of 10
Likelihood That I Will Just Eat the Lemon Sorbet Jellybeans: 9.5 out of 10
Overall Rating: 4 out of 10
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