REVIEW: Little Debbie St. Patrick’s Day Mint Creme Rolls
After years of selling cakes, cookies, and brownies, Little Debbie has moved into the toothpaste game.
Kinda fitting, isn’t it?
Okay clearly I’m not hiding the fact that I’m unsure about these Little Debbie St. Patrick’s Day Mint Creme Rolls. Let’s break them down:
- They’re tubes.
- They’re filled with white stuff.
- The white stuff is mint-flavored.
You couldn’t convince me that this wasn’t toothpaste.
We last saw this exact same technology in Little Debbie Candy Cane Rolls. I skipped reviewing them because I was honestly just so f*cking over mint at that point, but at least they fit the season. Fact is, I don’t really want mint that much after Christmas has passed.
Let me take this opportunity to challenge junk food companies. You all keep choosing mint because shamrocks are green and shit, but can’t we switch things up to celebrate new holidays? I would have much preferred Little Debbie Irish Creme Rolls, Guiness Cake Rolls, Mardis Gras King Cake Rolls, or even Stuffed Cabbage Rolls over more mint.
The rolls look pretty at least, with white creme spiraling inside a golden cake all covered in white confectionary and green icing. You have to head into these things knowing that they’re super sweet. Sugar and corn syrup are the first two ingredients in a passage that spans 13 lines. The crisp coating on the outside is just “sweet” more than it is white chocolate. The cake inside is nice and soft.
Then all hell breaks loose. The creme is “vanilla” for one second and “chewing gum” the next. I’d probably say it’s closest to spearmint but there’s no real mint in the ingredients. It’s not even particularly bold when you first bite in. It just intensifies late and lingers, and I don’t want it. I would never coat a golden cake in mint frosting; a chocolate cake would have worked much better here. Blegh.
Little Debbie St. Patrick Rolls are not something you want in your life. You can get a much better experience eating the cake of your choice, followed by brushing your teeth.
Cake Flavored Toothpaste Rating: 5 out of 10
Stuffed Cabbage Rating: 8 out of 10
Overall Rating: 4.5 out of 10
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