Pillsbury Grands! S’mores Rolls are back on shelves for 2017. Please find our review from last year below, republished with updated photos:

Your girlfriend or boyfriend dumped you. You didn’t get the job. You got a flat tire on the drive home. Basically, you suck.

What do you do to fix everything? You make these Pillsburys Grands! S’mores Rolls, that’s what.

Pillsbury Grands! S'mores Rolls

Pillsbury Grands! S’mores Rolls

You need comfort food. You need to do something engaging to take your mind off everything, but the reward must be delicious and fattening. Making s’mores in your backyard will do. Baking fresh cinnamon buns will also do. But what if you could combine the two?

Sounds like a good idea to me, and these Pillsbury Grands! S’mores Rolls will make your job very easy. Well, pretty easy. Opening a pop-can of Pillsbury’s rolls is one of the most challenging and frightening experiences known to man, but after that? It’s smooth sailing.

I scoured the ingredient list while I waited for these angels to bake. I guess these aren’t the perfect s’mores/cinnamon bun hybrid after all. There’s no cinnamon used here at all. What we’ve got is some cocoa folded into the dough and some marshmallow icing to apply.

Since I’m not going to eat five rolls by myself (LOL), I sampled some of the “extra” marshmallow icing. This has potential, people. This marshmallow icing tastes like a very specific kind of marshmallow: Lucky Charms cereal marshmallow. Yeah, that’s not what you usually put between two graham crackers, but I will never… EVER, complain about anything that reminds me of Lucky Charms.

Pillsbury Grands! S'mores Rolls

Unfortunately, that’s the last nice thing I have to say about Pillsbury Grands! S’mores Rolls.

Everything but the icing is a colossal disappointment. The dough doesn’t taste like anything except slightly burnt crescent rolls, because I also had a few beers while I was baking them (sue me). There’s no attempt at graham flavor whatsoever. All that cocoa that replaced the cinnamon? It adds nothing. It’s not sweet and it doesn’t even taste like chocolate. It’s just brown nothingness. The only thing that saved the one I was eating was more Lucky Charm marshmallow icing, which I applied extremely liberally.

Ok, great. Lucky Charms. Pillsbury Grands! S’mores Rolls still don’t taste like s’mores. There’s far too much dough for the Lucky Charms icing to save these. The ignorance of graham and the lackluster cocoa goop are inexcusable. I know we all wanted to love these, but this is a pretty half-assed attempt at s’mores. Even if you temper your expectations, these still suck.

No wonder your girlfriend/boyfriend left you. You get excited for the dumbest shit.

How Much You Deserved To Get Dumped Rating: 7 out of 10
How Much You Didn’t Deserve the Job Rating: 8 out of 10
Overall Rating: 4 out of 10

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2 Responses

  1. Moose says:

    Well yeah but I think I’ve heard about how bad these are from no less than four different people so obviously I have to buy them and see just how bad they are for myself (aka no-wonder-I-never-had-a-boyfriend/girlfriend-in-the+first-place)

    • Junk Male says:

      I can tell from this comment that we would make great friends. Scratch that – we just became great friends.