Boy am I thirsty! Who’s got some cheesecake?
Hold onto your butts, folks, because cheesecake IN A CUP has arrived.
Okay so you’re still gonna need a utensil, but cheesecake has never been as easy as it is right now with these Philadelphia Cheesecake Cups.
Here’s the recipe for this cheesecake:
1) In a small bowl, do nothing.
2) Drive to grocery store.
3) Buy Philadelphia Cheesecake Cups.
4) Thaw for zero minutes.
Philadelphia Cheesecake Cups come in four flavors: milk chocolate, salted caramel, cherry, and strawberry. They’re packaged with a pool of cheesecake filling on one side and the topping separate on the other. Think “Fage yogurt” except you’re disgusting.
Before I break down each flavor, let’s just talk about the cheesecake in a cup.
The first ingredient, appropriately, is “cheesecake filling.” The flavor is cream cheese heavy but it’s not as sweet as I was expecting (hopefully the toppings help there). In place of that extra sweetness is a little extra saltiness, but I guess it tastes enough like cheesecake for the purposes of this gimmick. Eh.
The biggest difference to the filling is texture. Where an actual cheesecake is airy and fluffy, Philadelphia Cheesecake Cups are more like thick custard. Is it the best cheesecake you’ve ever eaten? Heavens no, but this is what you get for “cheesecake in a cup.”
I added the fruit first to get them over with:
Strawberry: The strawberry filling is tart but bright. It’s more syrupy than strawberry jam but the flavor profile is pretty darn close. There are tiny bites of pureed strawberry and only a few seeds. It adds a sweet component and a freshness to the cheesecake filling that’s quite enjoyable.
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutritional Info: 170 cals, 10g fat, 18g carbs, 2g protein and 16g sugar per cup.
Cherry: Similar story, different fruit. The cherry topping tastes like cherry pie filling from a can – in fact I’m pretty sure that’s all this is. The sweetness is lower than in the strawberry version because of the tart component that cherries have. I personally prefer that bit of sour but the execution is identical.
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutritional Info: 170 cals, 10g fat, 17g carbs, 2g protein and 14g sugar per cup.
Salted Caramel: The salted caramel is very thick and sticky like a fine caramel. They salted it alright, but it’s missing the indulgent butteriness I need in my caramel. When I mixed it with the cheesecake filling, the caramel got lost and overpowered by the filling. Surprisingly, I like both the fruit ones better than the salted caramel – even more so considering they’re significantly leaner on nutrition.
Rating: 5 out of 10
Nutritional Info: 220 cals, 11g fat, 27g carbs, 2g protein and 20g sugar per cup.
Milk Chocolate. Winner. The milk chocolate is thicker than a mofo and acts like fudge or brownie batter. There’s a deep, rich chocolate flavor that blends cohesively with the cheesecake filling. Each bite mixed with chocolate leads with that pronounced cream cheese flavor before finishing sweet and chocolatey. It’s the most satisfying of the bunch. If you’re going to buy any, I would start here. It also has one more gram of protein than the rest which basically means it’s health food.
Rating: 7.5 out of 10
Nutritional Info: 220 cals, 12g fat, 26g carbs, 3g protein and 22g sugar per cup.
Philadelphia Cheesecake Cups don’t hit on all fronts, but I still respect the concept. They’re sensibly portioned and reasonably priced. They would have been better with a graham cracker crumble packed in a separate compartment, but at that point the packaging would be so big that you should probably just buy a cheesecake.
These are basically yogurts for fatasses.
Cheesecake Without the Effort Rating: 9 out of 10
Cheesecake Without the Plate Rating: 10 out of 10
Overall Rating: 6.5 out of 10
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