“Discontinued.” Is there any word more heartbreaking to a junk food fan? Who hasn’t experienced the pain of realizing that your favorite product is gone, never to return, before you even had the chance to stock up or say goodbye? I do not have children, but I am confident that the pain of giving birth is a mere mosquito bite compared to the agony I felt when I found out that Starburst Fruit Twists were gone forever, or when Ben & Jerry’s Oatmeal Cookie Chunk was laid to rest in their Flavor Graveyard.

But, for some lucky junk foodies, this pain doesn’t last forever. In fact, it gets replaced by an equal and opposite joy: the joy when your discontinued favorite gets BROUGHT BACK! It’s as rare as it is magical, and like most resurrections, the end result isn’t always pretty. And this is the boss of all things junk food, boldly returning to the breakfast realm.

After a DECADE off the shelf, this is the return of Oreo O’s!

We missed you, buddy!

That’s right. Oreo O’s, the universal symbol of moms who are too exhausted to argue with their kids at the grocery store, are back from the dead.

We last saw Oreo O’s in 2007, which was a simpler time: Rihanna’s “Umbrella” was playing on every radio station, “Gossip Girl” had just premiered, and I was in college, experimenting with an all-bagel diet. I loved Oreo O’s when they first existed, and Zombie Oreo O’s look exactly the same as when they first debuted (later iterations would add marshmallows).

This cereal is straight-up genius: it’s just O’s that are Oreo flavored, with little bumpy bits of “crème flavor” added on. They make no attempt to pretend like it’s healthy, which I really respect. Cookies!  I believe the target customers for this cereal are nostalgic college kids and children with ADHD.

Opening the bag, the smell is just a rush of sugar, cocoa, and pure giddiness. I tried a handful dry first. These taste exactly like they used to, which is to say they taste a lot like Oreos, and that’s all I’ve ever wanted from a cereal.

The cocoa on its own has a similar taste to Cocoa Puffs, or a chocolate donut from Dunkin Donuts: rich, kinda dense, very sugary, and super chocolatey. The texture of these O’s is also great: not too crumbly, not too hard, but a sweet spot in the middle that makes them satisfying to crunch on yet easy to eat. The crème flavor doesn’t come through strongly, but there’s a lighter sweetened finish that the more discerning dry cereal eater may pick up on.

But, then you add milk, and everything is taken to another level of Oreo-ness. This cereal is exactly what breakfast should taste like: just a bunch of friggin’ Oreo’s at 7:30am. The creaminess of the milk is the perfect substitute for Oreo crème, and the O’s don’t get soggy. It works so well, and now I’m wondering why all major food groups don’t contain an Oreo component. I am craving a salad with crumbled Oreo on top, a burger with Oreo buns, and a sophisticated after-dinner Oreo liqueur.

Speaking of having Oreo buns, these are dangerously easy to snack on, so don’t be surprised if you find yourself eating more than the recommended serving size. (I can’t tell you what that serving size is because I refused to look at the nutritional panel.)

Oreo O’s, the Jon Snow of cereal, has been resurrected and shall reign forever as the one true king of all breakfast. These are definitely in the category of “so gimmicky that it somehow works”, and you should eat lots of them before they get killed off again.

How Much I Miss Oatmeal Cookie Chunk Rating: 10 out of 10
My Imaginary Oreo Themed Restaurant’s Rating: 8 out of 10
Overall Rating: 9.5 out of 10

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2 Responses

  1. Sheila says:

    As I read this, there’s a blue banner at the bottom of the screen that says, “Healthy Breakfast”

    • Junk Banter says:

      Oreo O’s are a very healthy breakfast! You just have to add in some yogurt and granola, and remove the Oreo O’s.