REVIEW: Hostess Cotton Candy Twinkies
Look what happens when you put the Cotton Candy Stand next to the Fried Twinkie Stand and let carnies talk to each other…
I honestly cannot think of a more Frankenstein creation than these Cotton Candy Twinkies. Here we have an oily snack cake that supposedly never dies, filled with a creme flavored like fluffy sugar clouds. This is American absurdity at its finest.
Cotton Candy Twinkies are exclusive to Walmart stores – ya know, the perfect store for all the freakshows like me that go grocery shopping for things like bread, milk, and Cotton Candy Twinkies.
Do I even have to talk about the cake at this point? It tastes a little like buttery pound cake, but it’s also rubbery and it sweats inexplicably. They could have at least painted this thing pink and blue so I could wave it at my coworkers and say “you guys see this shit?”
We all knew the “success” of Cotton Candy Twinkies would come down to this wretched pink creme in the middle – specifically, 1) how much it tasted like cotton candy, and 2) how well that flavor meshed with the cake.
The answers are “kind of” and “let’s never do this again.”
The creme tastes like someone chewed up Cotton Candy Bubble Yum and then spit it back into a Twinkie. It’s at least a strong enough flavor to say they achieved what they were gunning for. Unlike last year’s Key Lime Slime flavor which was subtle, this is relatively potent. But that’s not exactly a good thing – not with this artificial aftertaste. I do know a few kids who might enjoy this though. They’re pretty dumb kids.
Weirdly enough the filling isn’t completely horrible when paired with the Twinkie cake. It reminds me a little of vanilla flavored cotton candy when eaten altogether. But soon enough, that cotton candy bubble gum flavor grabs the reigns and overstays its welcome on your tongue. Then it tastes like bad science.
It says a lot when a Twinkie’s cake tastes better than the creme within it, and such is the case with Cotton Candy Twinkies.
Proceed at your own risk (don’t buy them).
Using Carnies as Product Developers Rating: 2 out of 10
How Much Dumb Kids Are Going to Love These Rating: 7.5 out of 10
Overall Rating: 4.5 out of 10
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