If there’s one lesson I learned as a kid, it’s that Mom and Dad do not like when you try and start fires in the kitchen. No matter how badly you want s’mores for breakfast before walking to the bus stop, your parents will not find it cute.

Fast forward to today. If there’s one lesson I’ve learned as an adult, it’s that nobody likes it when you try and start fires in the kitchen. Your significant other, your neighbors, your dogs when the smoke alarm goes off… you name it. The only people who might like it work for your insurance company, but even they get sick of all “What do you MEAN you guys don’t cover s’mores fires?” e-mails.

Anyway, Post is here to protect me from myself:

Honey Maid S’mores Cereal

Honey Maid S’mores Cereal! Honey Maid is the undisputed champion of graham crackers, so this is a smart move by Post to team with them. Its like the description on the back of the box was written for me and my s’mores breakfast dilemma:

“Satisfy your s’mores appetite right in your cereal bowl with chocolatey goodness, sweet marshmallows and the delicious taste of Honey Maid Graham Crackers. Never have s’mores indoors been so delicious.”

And safe!

Fire extinguisher sold separately. 

Post Honey Maid S’mores cereal is made with sugary “graham” squares that look like Golden Grahams (a General Mills product), chocolate pieces that look like Cocoa Puffs (General Mills again), and thick cereal marshmallows that look like the ones in Smorz cereal (a Kellogg’s product). Hey, if you can’t beat ’em, just steal all their recipes.

Turns out everything I said about their looks also holds true for their taste. This cereal is 99% Golden Grahams at its core, which is great news for people like me who know that Golden Grahams is sneakily the best cereal on the planet. The chocolate pieces, when isolated, taste like Cocoa Puffs with a slightly sweeter coating. The marshmallows are sugary and creamy with a hint of vanilla – just like the ones in Kellogg’s Smorz.

Now the real test: to put it all together and see if it tastes anything like s’mores.

Well this is crazy delicious, let me make that clear. But there are a couple of structural flaws that hold Honey Maid S’mores cereal back from s’mores perfection.

Largely, this problem is a good one to have: the graham flavored squares are so deliciously intense that they often drown out the chocolate puffs and mini marshmallows. Post could have helped alleviate this imbalance by swapping some graham squares for more of the other two. Really, though, the graham pieces are the best-tasting component here so I’m not even that mad. They’re what makes this cereal so addicting.

The second thing is common to all chocolate cereals. Cocoa dusting on corn pieces is a far cry from milk chocolate, which makes this is a farther cry from s’mores. If Kellogg’s can put real f*cking chocolate chip cookies in The Keebler Cereal, would it kill Post to put some real milk chocolate candy bars in here? Wishful thinking, I know. This is about as good as chocolate is gonna get in any cereal not named Oreo O’s, the magical outlier in the breakfast universe.

Honey Maid S’mores cereal is the best s’mores cereal on the market, even if it doesn’t taste quite like the real thing. It’s basically a hot cereal threesome with Golden Grahams, Cocoa Puffs, and Smorz (the porn stars of cereal), and we all get to watch.

Grab some tissues, light some candles, and enjoy.

The Look on Mom and Dad’s Face When You Start Fires In Your Kitchen Rating: 3 out of 10
Threesomes in the Morning Rating: Sounds Like a 10 out of 10
Overall Rating: 8.5 out of 10

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