REVIEW: Lay’s Kettle Cooked Everything Bagel with Cream Cheese

Lay’s popular “Do Us A Flavor” contest is back – you know, the one where people submit literally anything and everything as flavors and Lay’s decides which to make.

I’m still looking for the Anything ones, but I did find the Everything ones:

Lay's Everything Bagel with Cream Cheese

Jokes!

Lay’s Kettle Cooked Everything Bagel with Cream Cheese has made it to the final three and reached production, beating out other fan submissions such as:

Sinus Infection

Orange Juice & Toothpaste

Pepperoni Dogfart

Pepperoni Dogfart

Pepperoni Dogfart will have to wait at least another year…

Much luckier is Lindsay Hoffman of Palm City, FL, who submitted Lay’s Everything Bagel with Cream Cheese. She’ll take home $1 million if she wins, and $50,000 if she loses.

Lindsay Hoffman writes: “There’s no better way to start your day than with an everything bagel with cream cheese. It’s become my favorite morning ritual.” Apparently Lindsay has never had sex in the A.M.

Joining Lay’s Everything Bagel in the round of fan-voting are Lay’s Crispy Taco and Lay’s Wavy Fried Green Tomato, which I’ll review ASAP because this contest is like my American Idol. Fat American Idol.

Will these chips stick around and reach the heights of a Carrie Underwood, or be banished to the depths of Hell like some sort of William Hung?

Lay's Everything Bagel with Cream Cheese

She Bangs! She Bangs!

One of the best things about an everything bagel is how aromatic they are, but these chips severely lack that quality. They only smell of grease, salt, and potatoes. And visually, they appear largely unseasoned save for a few specks of poppy seed here and there.

This is shaping up to be some real Clay Aiken shit…

Lay's Everything Bagel with Cream Cheese

Lay’s Everything Bagel with Cream Cheese chips don’t tickle the taste buds with the plethora of spices you’d expect. Once past the initial salt & potato flavor, a very faint dairy quality emerges. It calls to mind sour cream more than it does cream cheese, and considering these chips use onion powder, the final product is like an underseasoned sour cream & onion chip more than anything. I wish they had toned down the cream cheese in favor of much more poppy, garlic, and the entirely absent sesame.

Another major flaw I see here is the decision to go Kettle Cooked. The final flavor left on your tongue is straight up grease. It just doesn’t belong with bagel unless we were going for a breakfast sandwich, which we probably should have (Pork Roll, Egg, & Cheese, please). For a cream cheesed bagel? Doesn’t work so well. Wavy chips might have captured the crispy texture of a toasted bagel without adding so much grease. But really, it still wouldn’t be enough to compensate for the lack of spice – the bagel’s signature.

If Lay’s Everything Bagel with Cream Cheese wins this contest, they’ll officially be the Ruben Studdard of the snack world.

“Pepperoni Dogfart” Rating: 10 out of 10
How Much More Successful William Hung Is Than I Rating: 9 out of 10
Overall Rating: 5.5 out of 10

Vote for your favorite chip here: http://dousaflavor.com

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4 Responses

  1. Bill bloom says:

    I cannot find the bagel chips in Fairfax va.

  2. Beth says:

    I love them but they don’t taste like an everything bagel with cream cheese at all

  3. Jeanne L. Sackman says:

    I cannot find erything bagel chips in atlantic city area — I did find them one time and now lthey are gone?

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