REVIEW: General Mills Cinnamon Toast Crunch Bites
If there’s any three words that can excite me more than the words “Cinnamon Toast Crunch,” those words have got to be:
Exploding. Cereal. Donuts.
HOLY FAT with these new Cinnamon Toast Crunch Bites from General Mills!
Cinnamon Toast Crunch has graduated from the pantry to the freezer, and it’s taking the form of soft donut bites covered in cinnamon sugar with a sweet cinnamon filling. What more is there to say?
So how exactly did we get here? Who cares! The important thing is that we are here. We now have bite-sized snacks flavored with Cinnamon Toast Crunch, my favorite spice on the planet. These treats only require 30-seconds in the microwave, making them a great option for day or for night, when drunk or when sober, after-sex or during it. They are everything I didn’t know I wanted.
Here’s where it gets interesting: Taco Bell tried this a few years ago with Cap’n Crunch Delights and they were AWFUL. They were oily little grease balls with a tiny bit of crunch berry coating and a “milky” center that made me hate myself. But these General Mills Cinnamon Toast Crunch Bites make so much more sense! Cinnamon and donuts go together like cinnamon and donuts, and there is no better cinnamon than Cinnamon Toast Crunch.
Preparation is a bit curious. A serving size is 4 bites, but microwave directions instruct you to heat up 6 bites… in a circle. What kind of algebra-geometry class is this? Alternatively you can heat them up in the oven, which is a square.
Cinnamon Toast Bites arrive out of the microwave slightly sticky, as the cinnamon sugar coating warms up. They smell great but this doesn’t carry over seamlessly to the taste. The cinnamon on the exterior isn’t very bold, and it lacks the level of sweetness synonymous with Cinnamon Toast Crunch cereal. Four doughnuts has 13g of sugar, which is probably lower than it needs to be to pull this one off.
Though they’re billed as doughnuts, the dough doesn’t handle like a Munchkin from Dunkin Donuts. Its more like the outer portion of a homemade Pillsbury Cinnamon Roll – slightly crispy on the outside, but slightly undercooked on the inside because you suck at following directions. It’s pretty rubbery too…
The sweet cinnamon filling adds a bit more cinnamon flavor, but also an unexpected cheesy tang. The filling doesn’t ooze out either – it just kind of sits there like a paste, and there isn’t very much of it. Both in taste and texture, Cinnamon Toast Bites feel kind of lifeless.
I tried the oven preparation, too, and it only seemed to dry them out more.
So then I tried a more classic route:
Admittedly this was the best method because it kept the doughnuts moist, but I much rather have a bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch.
The gap between expectations and reality is quite wide with Cinnamon Toast Crunch Bites, just like with the lackluster Oreo Churros.
In summary, these bites kind of bite.
Donut Geometry Rating: 7 out of 10
Post-Sex Donuts Rating: 9 out of 10
Overall Rating: 5.5 out of 10
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