Ah, the nostalgia bug has bitten me today, so strap yourselves in for a really dumb post…
We’ll call it, “just another post.”
Long ago, the second review I ever published in fact, I reviewed an ice cream-flavored cereal called “Ice Cream Pebbles.” The cereal was an extension of the popular Pebbles line that also includes Fruity and Cocoa, and it was supposed to taste like ice cream. More accurately, the flavors were sherbet and my review was just an extended critique of the box art on the back.
Here before me is a new ice-cream inspired cereal: General Mills Cocoa Puffs Ice Cream Scoops. I don’t have anything clever to say about it so we’re going back to the well that is the back of the box.
So what we have here is General Mills’ version of the Coolest Moments in Ice Cream History, which I will now fact check one-by-one because this is the life I chose.
5th Century BC: The Ancient Greeks mix honey with snow and chill out with the world’s first frozen dessert.
|I was the first person to mix honey with snow in 1991 – I’m sure of it. False.|
|13th Century BC: Marco Polo returns to Italy with an exotic new treat, flavored water ice.||Marco Polo is a game that you play in the pool. False.|
|1790: George Washington spends $200 on America’s newest decadent dessert; ice cream… and he didn’t lie about it.||Multiple sources, including Friendly’s, reported that George Washington did indeed spend $200 on ice cream in one summer. This translates to several thousands of dollars today and also confirms I would be friends with George Washington. True.|
|1843: The ice cream churn is invented making ice cream available for everyone… not just kings, queens, and presidents.||According to Wikipedia, Nancy Johnson of Philadelphia created some kind of hand-cranked, ice cream-making freezer in 1843. She sounds smart and good at hand stuff. I love her. True.|
|1880’s: The ice cream sundae makes its debut and is served everyday of the week… not just Sunday.||There are tons of theories about the sundae’s origins. Most originate in the 1880s or 1890s, but some popular theories do suggest a Sunday-only sales window for a brief time. Mostly true.|
|1904: Ice cream fans go crazy for the hottest new way to enjoy a cool treat, the ice cream cone!||I found this article called “The Murky History of the Ice Cream Cone.” I’m too lazy to read all of it. Who cares.|
|2017: Sunny goes cuckoo for the new Cocoa Puffs Scoops. With three great tasting ice cream flavors it’s like an ice cream sundae for breakfast!||The first part of the sentence is definitely true – just look at the crazy asshole going nuts for Cocoa Puffs. The second claim is bold. Is the cereal great-tasting? Is it like an ice cream sundae for breakfast
Read on below.
General Mills Cocoa Puffs Ice Cream Scoops is not good. The chocolate puffs are just Cocoa Puffs, the vanilla puffs taste like Kix without any honey or flavor, and the strawberry puffs taste like Cap’n Crunch’s Berries, but worse.
The biggest issue is that the strawberry puffs dominate the entire flavor – at one point I tried pairing one strawberry puff with about five cocoa puffs and five vanilla puffs, and I still just tasted strawberry. They should have just called this Strawberry Puffs and I wouldn’t be so mad at it. But delicious ice cream for breakfast this is not, so yeah I’m pretty pissed.
Cuckoo For Strawberry Rating: 8 out of 10
Nancy Johnson’s Hand-Crank Rating: 10 out of 10
Overall Rating: 4.5 out of 10
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