If you don’t understand the allure of holiday breakfast cereals, I need you to do me a favor: add me on Facebook, then delete me. I don’t want you as a friend.
Sugary breakfast cereals take you to a special time and place every time you eat them – a simpler time, when you didn’t know what things like taxes and trans fats were. Then tie the joy of the holidays into it all? Forget it. They capture the warmth of the season and become yet another fattening tradition you look forward to year after year.
And if Frosty the f*cking Snowman shaped marshmallows don’t excite you, then you’re either dead inside or dead to me.
Cinnamon Vanilla Lucky Charms! This cereal packs a few different holiday gifts: new marshmallow shapes, new marshmallow colors, and a new flavor for Lucky Charms altogether. The oat pieces are now flavored with cinnamon, while the marshmallows hold their normal flavor.
Finally, a reason to eat the oats…
Cinnamon Vanilla Lucky Charms have low-key potential to be one of the best cereals ever. Regular Lucky Charms are already awesome because of the marshmallows alone, and cinnamon cereals have a very impressive track record. (See: Cinnamon Toast Crunch, probably some other ones.)
But that pipe dream didn’t last long. On the eye test, the oat pieces only show very faint traces of cinnamon. On the mouth test, you only taste a tiny bit too. I isolated a bunch and got an extremely light touch of cinnamon which grew gradually the more I ate, but for the most part the flavor is just sweetened glazed oats. Kind of a bummer there…
All the vanilla in Cinnamon Vanilla Lucky Charms is coming from the marshmallows, which taste the same as they always do. But this is an important time to remind you that these are the best marshmallows in the biz. They’re supremely sweet with colossal crunch, and one of them is Frosty the f*cking Snowman.
Yeah, the cinnamon doesn’t exactly sparkle when adding milk either. Tastes like Lucky Charms…
So the cinnamon novelty was a dud, and I’m factoring that into my score. But you know what guys? I’m still having a blast eating my delicious holiday Lucky Charms with winter-colored marshmallows and festive box art, and nobody is gonna take that away from me.
Plus I’m giggling because the Frosty marshmallows actually look like tiny snowman dicks.
Cinnamon Rating: 2 out of 10
Frostbite On Your Penis Rating: 0 out of 10
Overall Rating: 7 out of 10
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