As a man bearing the first name “Junk,” I’m always looking for new ways to eat as many donuts as possible for breakfast.

Kellogg’s is affording me not just one, but tw… ok well it’s just one new way, but it’s in two colors.

Getting fat now comes in “chocolate” and “pink.”

Kellogg’s Donut Shop Cereal

New Kellogg’s Donut Shop Cereal!

So just how many donuts will I be eating for breakfast today? I plan to solve this the same way I excel at those “Guess How Many Jelly Beans Are In The Jar” contests. First, I will count how many miniature donuts I can fit on a spoon. Then I will eat the contents of the spoon. Then I will continue to eat spoon after spoon, counting how many spoons until the box is empty.

Then I will do this with the second box until it is empty, or I throw up. Whichever comes first.

Kellogg’s Donut Shop Cereal comes in two varieties: Chocolate Donut, which is a chocolate flavor, and Pink Donut, which is not a flavor. The Chocolate Donut is naturally and artificially flavored, but the Pink Donut is only artificially flavored, because “tiny pink donuts” don’t occur naturally in nature.

Donut Shop Cereal – Chocolate Donut

Kellogg’s Donut Shop Cereal (Chocolate Donut)

The chocolate Donut Shop Cereal looks like Chocolate Cheerios that have eaten a few too many donuts, if ya know what I mean (they’re huge).

But unlike Chocolate Cheerios which are made with oats, this Donut Shop Cereal is made with corn pieces. Therefore, the best comp is Cocoa Puffs cereal. The chocolate isn’t as rich here, but it’s definitely sweeter thanks to this glistening sugary glaze all over the cereal. There’s a touch of Chocolate Munchkin going on, but more than anything it’s just another chocolatey corn cereal. Hard to get too excited for it.

In milk, Kellogg’s Donut Shop Cereal definitely improves. The sugary glaze becomes much more pronounced – as if the milk activates its sweetness to the fullest. But still… this isn’t very donut-esque.

How Many Donuts I’ve Eaten for Breakfast So Far Rating: 60 out of 10
Excluding the Cereal Rating: 56 out of 10
Overall Rating: 7 out of 10

Donut Shop Cereal – Pink Donut

Kellogg’s Donut Shop Cereal (Pink Donut)

The pink Donut Shop Cereal looks like the Chocolate Donut Donut Shop Cereal, except it’s pink… again, only a color, and not a flavor.

And it’s appropriate that “pink” isn’t a flavor because this Donut Shop cereal doesn’t really have any. It mostly tastes like regular Cap’n Crunch, maybe mixed with Frosted Flakes. Just sugary corn.

Again, milk helps here. The only part they got right about donuts is the sugar, as milk helps shifts the balance away from the corn and over to the glaze.

Look, I really didn’t expect this to taste like donuts. But “Pink Donut” denotes something – whether it be a strawberry flavored donut, some kind of berry frosting, or even pink vanilla frosting on a regular cake donut. The fact that this is just sugary generic corn cereal is really lazy. At least Cap’n Crunch put sprinkles on his donuts.

Pink Flavor Rating: 0 out of 10
LAAAME Rating: 10 out of 10
Overall Rating: 5.5 out of 10

To recap, Kellogg’s Donut Shop Cereal is a brand new corn cereal in the shape of rings that’s flavored with chocolate and sugar. In other words, it’s cereal.

Oh, and if you’re wondering how many donuts I ate for breakfast today, it was about 91. And if you want to know how many are left in the box, you’ll have to ask my garbage man.

Because that lying Pink Donut cereal is trash.

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