Remember when I said my winter strategy to combat the cold was to drink lots of hot chocolate and eat all the cookies? Remember?

Well it backfired, and now I’ve got some rolls:

Pillsbury Grands! Hot Cocoa Rolls

Pillsbury Grands! Hot Cocoa Rolls

Allow me to clarify; putting on fat was the entire point of the ordeal, after all. What I mean is, I ate so many cookies that I got sick of them, so now I’m gonna move onto these new Pillsbury Grands! Hot Cocoa Rolls for a change of pace.

With my new body type, we’ll call that pace: “very, very slow.

Does anyone else sweat when they type?

Pillsbury “Me” Rolls

After nearly sweating myself to death near the oven, my rolls were warm and sticky and brown.

Pillsbury Grands! Hot Cocoa Rolls have no traces of cinnamon like a traditional cinnamon roll, instead replacing it entirely with cocoa. The smell will leave no secret either. Passersby were enchanted at the aroma, he would have written had he not lived alone like a mutant.

Marshmallow icing is provided in great quantity, and it’s killer. The taste isn’t that of Swiss Miss mini marshmallows – the kind you’re likely to put in your hot chocolate. No, no, Pillsbury summoned something more magical for this cup of cocoa. The icing tastes wonderfully of Lucky Charms marshmallows.

It is quite possibly the official “glaze” of Junk Banter going forward.

Pillsbury Grands! Hot Cocoa Rolls

Unfortunately, the rest of the roll doesn’t have enough cocoa to match the theme.

Failing to live up to the promise of its scent, chocolate barely comes through in the taste at all – there’s just too much dough and not enough cocoa folded within it. This would be a problem for any flavor advertising chocolate, but it’s a special kind of problem for something HOT CHOCOLATE.

I’m not gonna bullshit you though – eating some fresh, toasty brown dough covered in Lucky Charms sauce was far from cumbersome. I found myself quite enjoying the combo, but all the while I was secretly furious that I was misled. If they couldn’t cram enough chocolate goop into the middle to impart significant cocoa flavor, then maybe the icing should have been a sweet chocolatey one with an added marshmallow vibe. Or maybe TWO frostings was the answer here…

God, no wonder I’m so fat…

Fat, but warm. 💯

Sweating While Typing Rating: 0 out of 10
Lucky Charms Sauce Rating: 9.5 out of 10
Overall Rating: 6.5 out of 10

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