White Cheesecake M&M’s are back on shelves as a Walmart exclusive! Please find our review from last year re-published below.

Love is many different things to many different people.

For example, here are some things that I love:

  1. Splitting a slice of cheesecake with a loved one on Valentine’s Day.
  2. Half-priced appetizers at the Cheesecake Factory by yourself on a Monday.
  3. Buying cheesecake-flavored chocolate and reviewing them for your stupid junk food blog.
White Cheesecake M&M's

White Cheesecake M&M’s

Okay, so clearly I’ve got cheesecake on the brain today. That’s because M&M’s has released another seasonal flavor: new White Cheesecake M&M’s.

White Cheesecake M&M’s are exclusive to Walmart for Valentine’s Day. Mars is certainly no stranger to cake flavors, having previously attempted Carrot Cake, Red Velvet Cake, Birthday Cake, and Strawberry Shortcake with varying degrees of success. But cheesecake? This is undoubtedly their most daring effort to date. Cheesecake is made with cheese, after all, while M&M’s are made with chemicals.

So how do the first cheese-flavored M&M’s taste?

White Cheesecake M&M's

A slice of cheesecake, or a shoe perhaps.

Pretty gross, actually.

At first, you’ll taste the same white chocolate that Mars uses in all their white M&M’s. I said it when I reviewed the Shimmery White Chocolate M&M’s – Mars does white chocolate candy really well. Their white chocolate is milky sweet with a strong vanilla component, and this pairs wonderfully with the crisp, sugary shell – Mars’ signature. The White Cheesecake M&M’s lean more “white chocolate” than they do “cheesecake,” at least initially.

And then the aftertaste sets in.

White Cheesecake M&M's

Horrible. Mars’ attempt at cheesecake is a complete and utter miss.

I didn’t really get cream cheese, and let’s be honest… that’s probably for the best. What I got was fake butter. And it wasn’t the delicious fake butter that you’d welcome on movie theater popcorn; it was the fake butter flavor that you find in Jelly Belly Buttered Popcorn jelly beans. Was this Mars’ attempt at a graham cracker crust? I don’t know what the hell happened here, but it’s not good.

The only saving grace with White Cheesecake M&M’s is that white chocolate is still the dominant flavor. This often occurs with M&M’s seasonal flavors and causes disappointment. In the case of White Cheesecake M&M’s, be thankful the white chocolate is as strong as it is. However, the taste of fake butter lingers between bites and becomes nauseating pretty quickly.

I opened by saying love is many things to many people. Well, the same thing can be said for hatred.

For example, I hate these shitty M&M’s.

Movie Theatre Butter Rating: 9.5 out of 10
Buttered Popcorn Jelly Bean Rating: 1 out of 10
Overall Rating: 4.5 out of 10

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2 Responses

  1. Sheila says:

    Those popcorn jelly beans are the most vile things in the world.

    • Junk Male says:

      They have no right to exist… not even in that prank pack of awful flavors. They’re everything I hate.