The year is 1996. You’re the biggest bully in town – a real jackass.
Junk Male is but 10 years old. For all intents and purposes, he is the fattest kid on the planet. You’re looking to steal some lunch money because that’s what bullies do. “Surely, that fat kid over there eats a whole lot of lunch,” you think to yourself. “He must have all sorts of money.”
Imagine by some act of God you garner the physical strength to lift Junk Male up above your head and upside down so all of his lunch money falls out of his pockets. But along with this lunch money, some other things spill to the ground.
The pile of things on the ground would look a little something like this:
Hostess Brownies Made with Butterfinger
Okay, so I stole that intro directly from my Hostess Brownies made with M&M’s and Milky Way review, but it still rings true with the newest flavor: Hostess Brownies made with Butterfinger. Fat kids like me stuff their pockets with candy bars and brownies all the time, and these brownies are this fat boy’s idea of Heaven.
Stole that last sentence too.
And really, I could have stolen most of the other words from that review because these brownies are a similar disappointment.
The brownies themselves have a good enough chocolate flavor. They’re on the dry side, but you get what you pay for I guess. That’s the least of its problems though…
The Butterfinger-iness is a complete joke, almost as bad as all the jokes I’ve made on this website combined.
The amount of Butterfinger that’s on top is laughable, and what’s there doesn’t even look like Butterfinger. It’s almost as if Hostess took one Butterfinger BB from 1996, smashed it with a rusty hammer, and spread it evenly across thousands of these brownies. It’s not crispitty, it’s not crunchity, and it’s not peanut buttery. It’s just a sticky mess and you can’t taste the Butterfinger AT ALL.
Trust me, I didn’t expect the entire brownie to taste like Butterfingers, but I should at least be able to tell that it’s “made with Butterfinger.”
To all the playground bullies who stole my lunch money, go ahead and take these. I’ll throw in an extra dollar for your troubles, and you don’t even have to beat me up for it.
Odds They Beat Me Up Anyway Rating: 9 out of 10
Butterfinger BBs Rating: 10 out of 10
Overall Rating: 4 out of 10
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But….where are the Butterfinger pieces?! I hate when the product inside the box looks nowhere close to the product they put ON the box. So, maybe to make them better, grab a Butterfinger candy bar and a hammer, smash while still in package, spread some yummy chocolate frosting on top of the brownies and sprinkle on some “extra” Butterfinger topping from smashed candy bar. 😉 Damn it, now I want to make a pan of brownies. 🙂 Thanks for the great review!
This is one of the most egregious instances of “you don’t get what’s advertised.” Every single brownie in the box had as few Butterfinger pieces as the one pictured here! Such a shame… please send me some of those homemade brownies.
I’d gladly send you some homemade goodies! 🙂 I promise they’ll be way better than any boxed stuff, too.
Shoot me an e-mail next time you make something special. 😀 You don’t have to of course, but I WILL gladly eat it.
Now I just miss Butterfinger BBs.
It’s important that we never forget what got us here.
Lmao i burst out laughing at the sentence about a single BB being smashed and spread over a thousand of the brownies ( insert cry-laugh emoji here ). They also look visually like the jackass bully even sat on some brownies during a school bus ride. ( insert middle finger emoji ) for these Butterfinger disasters!!