Happy Birthday from the person who’s basically never had one!
Little Debbie Birthday Cakes
I mean I’ll take it whenever I can get it, but it seems awfully cruel to ask a four year old girl to make birthday cake for her fans when she hasn’t had her own in like, sixty years…
Sounds impossible right?
Wrong.
Debbie has not aged since at least 1960. And while I’m glad that means we can enjoy Little Debbie snack cakes for the rest of eternity, I think it’s about time somebody be concerned for her, after all she’s done for us.
Thankfully we can use advanced age progression technology to see what look she should look like today:
I knew we should be concerned.
Anyway, let’s see what the little rascal has whipped up for us before getting her to the hospital…
What we have here – according to the ageless wonder herself – is a festive vanilla flavored cake that’s baked with candy confetti, coated with white icing, and topped with colorful sprinkles.
In other words, it’s the same shit she always makes… but with sprinkles.
Let me be clear that I am not using “shit” in a disparaging way- I do enjoy me some good ole’ Lil’ Deb pocket cakes now and again. But just like any of us could have predicted without writing 300 words on the matter, there’s not much novelty to Little Debbie Birthday Cakes outside of the sprinkles. And these particular sprinkles don’t impart a bit of extra flavor the way that some sprinkles do.
The only noticeable difference between these and Zebra Cakes is the absence of fudge, and the only noticeable difference between these and Fancy Cakes is that this cake is a yellow one. If any subtle differences exist between the cakes themselves, they’re masked by the use of the same creme filling and coating that all of us know… and many of us love.
You’ll have to excuse Debbie for not creating something truly special today – she’s never had a proper birthday cake herself.
You buy this for sprinkles.
How Much You Will Buy This for Sprinkles Rating: 10 out of 10
Not Being Able to Turn Five Rating: 4 out of 10
Overall Rating: 6.5 out of 10
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