Dear Fall Santa,

I’ve been pretty good this year. A few sins when tequila is involved, but more or less good.

All I want for Christmas this year is a brand new Oreo. ??

Nabisco Peppermint Bark Oreos

Okay, so we’ve had something similar before, but this is TECHNICALLY a brand new Oreo! Thank you Santa, Sweet Baby Jesus, and Nabisco for giving me something better than my parents ever did.

Unconditional love is great, but have you ever tried Oreos?

What was previously Peppermint Oreos (and, much longer ago, Candy Cane Oreos) are now Peppermint BARK Oreos, and the million dollar question is how different they are. Gone is the salmon/pink peppermint colored creme of the previous iteration and in its place is a new white peppermint creme with crunchy sugar crystals.

Wait… crunchy sugar crystals?! I swear, if Santa got me Peeps Oreos for Christmas, I may switch my religion tonight.

Coal Oreos would be preferable at that point.

Hmm… these things certainly smell an awful lot like I remember the Peppermint Oreos did: right at the intersection of chocolate cookie and toothpaste.

Now, if Peppermint Bark Oreos are an improved recipe and taste more like peppermint bark than peppermint candy, Santa’s fat ass will have to pry them from my fat, swollen hands come this Christmas.

And if they’re not? Then at least my Mom will enjoy Santa’s fresh breath when she’s making out with him under the mistletoe.

Eh, it’s not immediately clear to me if they’re different or not, which unfortunately means any differences are minor. The creme feels like a slightly smoother and more mild mint; it seems there’s less bite than the old Peppermint Oreos. However, it is the exact same type of mint flavoring.

The crunchy sugar crystals add a delicate nuance texture-wise, but I was hoping for more from these too. They don’t add any flavor at all. You know what would have really made my wish come true? Bits of crushed up candy cane, mixed with a minty creme that also had a white chocolate component to it. That’s what I think of when I think peppermint bark.

Peppermint Bark Oreos

All that said? Peppermint Bark Oreos are a highly crushable cookie that’s right for the season. Something about them – if even just the color and the new texture – are a festive little update to the Peppermint Oreos that have been absent for the last couple of seasons.

I am willing to share these with Santa, in hopes that he gifts me my beloved Gingerbread Oreos next year.

The Feeling When Your Mom Cheats on Your Dad Rating: 0 out of 10
How Much It’s Ok If It Gets You Gingerbread Oreos Rating: 10 out of 10
Overall Rating: 7 out of 10

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