If you’re a Millennial, you already know. For the remainder of this review, just pretend you’re from Generation Z (and if you’re actually from Gen Z, then put down your TikTok and let me teach ya something fierce).
What if I told you that the best Doritos flavor ever created was height?
The year was 1996. The Spice Girls were slingin’ hits, Michael Jordan was slamming dunks, and there were wild Pokemon running rampant all over the world. Life was good, and then it was even better when a thing called 3D Doritos launched. In a nutshell, they were Doritos-meets-Bugles – a puffed out, airy version of Doritos.
You see, for us that grew up in the 90’s, this was an era where we liked to make statements with our food.
- “Hey, nice boring fries, loser. Check out mine with purple ketchup!”
- “Is that an apple? Cool, my fruit is shaped like a shark because I’m awesome.
- “Are you eating Doritos? Sorry, I wasn’t sure with that weak ass crunch compared to my 3D DORITOS!” (*Cue this sound*)
Yes, there was no better way to let everyone know that you had the biggest wee wee on the playground than to pull 3D Doritos out of your lunch box. And while it’s no longer cool to bully anyone in 2020, some things are still as cool today as they were 20 years ago.
Allow me to introduce you to the third dimension of Doritos…
3D Doritos Crunch
Frito-Lay has officially brought back 3D Doritos, although it comes with some caveats. The minor one is that they’re now called “Doritos 3D Crunch.” The bigger one is that none of the original flavors return as true clones of themselves. Back in the day, we had Nacho Cheesier and Cooler Ranch – essentially the same flavors as the two most popular regular Doritos. Today? We have Chili Cheese Nacho and Spicy Ranch. It appears Frito-Lay wanted to introduce some new, bolder flavors with the returning puffy triangle, which is cool by me but will likely disappoint some 3D Doritos purists.
Let’s crunch in three dimensions, shall we?
Chili Cheese Nacho 3D Doritos Crunch
Oh, that sweet, sweet air!! I can confirm that Doritos 3D Crunch is just as satisfying to eat as 3D Doritos were. The outside has a delicate yet firm crunch that you get the pleasure of experiencing both on the top part part and the bottom part as your teeth crush through them. Flavors aside, they nailed the most important part.
The best way I can describe the Chili Cheese Nacho flavor is like a blend between Chili Cheese Fritos and Nacho Cheese Doritos (if that’s not EXACTLY what it is). It’s the classic flavor of Nacho Cheese Doritos with some added flavors you’d find in a bowl of chili (like tomato, garlic, and some spices). That’s not to say it’s SPICY, though, because it’s definitely not. We’ll just say it’s a little zesty.
Anyway… I love it, but I’m sure there will be people who wish they had left out the chili part.
Rating: 8 out of 10
Spicy Ranch 3D Doritos Crunch
While Doritos get way more cool with Doritos 3D Crunch, they get less cool with this Spicy Ranch flavor…
(See what I did there?)
Just kidding, these are still really cool. But the “Cool Ranch” flavor you know and love is undoubtedly spicer with this here Spicy Ranch flavor. It’s got all the same flavors at first, but then the heat kicks in. I’m never that good at gauging other people’s spice tolerance, but I’d probably put it at a 4 or 5 on a 10-point scale, assuming that a Cool Ranch is a 0.
Do I like it better? Yes, but mostly because it’s 3D.
Rating: 8.5 out of 10
In summary, 3D > 2D… because 3 is more than 2.
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