I consider myself a betting man. Not just at the casino, either. I like to bet on dumb things like the NBA 3-Point Contest, scripted professional wrestling, and whether Left Shark would make a return appearance during the Super Bowl halftime show. Just last year, I bet myself that I could start a junk food blog and still maintain a solid physique.

I lost.

Doritos Roulette is the latest game I’ll be betting on. Here’s how it works: this is a bag filled mostly with regular Nacho Cheese Doritos and then a fractional amount of spicy ones. Doritos warns that some chips are VERY hot, so the assumption here is that they’re much hotter than the Spicy Nacho ones sold all the time.

As a fan of both Doritos and spicy foods, playing Doritos Roulette is a pretty safe bet for me. If I “win,” I get that spicy chip that intrigues me most on the first try. If I “lose,” I get to keep eating Doritos until I find the spicy one. Win or lose, this entire bag is going down in a hurry.

One serving size is 12 chips, so let’s do 12 and see how my luck plays out.

Looks like a Dorito.

Chip #1: Regular Dorito. Mmm, Doritos are so good.

Chip #2: Regular again. How the hell did they keep the spicy seasoning from getting on all the chips?

Chip #3: Another plain Dorito. Gimme that heat, baby!

Chip #4: This is horseshit.

They all look the same.

Chip #5: ? Oh God, it’s so hot. The heat on the spicy chips is intense and immediate. I love it, but wow.

Chip #6: Back down to Earth. I like the way the heat lingers though; it makes the regular ones better.

Chip #7:  Plain again. I guess there really are just a few spicy ones.

Chip #8: Same. I have a better chance of getting killed in real Russian Roulette.

What do you want from me?

Chip #9: Borrrrinnngggg.

Chip #10: WTF.

Chip #11: ????

Chip #12: Not sure; mouth is still on fire.

Touché, Doritos Roulette. There really is but one spicy chip in every handful (one out of every six in my small sample size). Fans of spicy foods might want more of the spicy chips, but the impressive contrast between the regular Nacho cheese and the super hot Dorito more than makes up for their infrequency. It keeps things interesting and is just about as suspenseful as you can expect in junk food land. The game is exactly as advertised.

In summary, what a dumb gimmick.

Regular Doritos Rating: 8 out of 10
Super Hot Dorito Rating: A Bitch out of 10
Overall Rating: 8.5 out of 10

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